It Finally Happened! I Stared At Derrick Mason Too Long!

12.03.08 9 years ago 37 Comments

Coach Harbaugh warned me what would happen, but he’s the only receiver I trust. I should have heeded his stern warnings. Sure, Mark Clayton made some insane catches against the Bengals, but I faced tougher defenses in Division II 1-AA football. Mason’s my boy!

Months and months of staring down Derrick Mason over every dropback has fixed his image in my mind permanently. I can’t shake it.

Just the other day, I went to the CVS to pick out some more eyebrow wax, and I get up to the cashier and I see this.

I almost fell off the endcap of tacky Baltimore Christmas gewgaws. Luckily, my mind came to after a few seconds, but every time he appears it’s longer. By the end of the season, who knows if he’ll go away at all.

Sure, seeing Derrick open on the football field is a welcome sight, but I really don’t need him occupying my every thought. Soon, I won’t be able to watch movies.

Or even the news.

I mean, we could run Le’Ron McClain and Ray Rice on every play. They’re pretty good. But sooner or later we’re gonna have to pass the ball. And that means more and more searing Derrick into my unconscious. Goddammit, why does Todd Heap have to stay in and block? I need someone else to lock onto!

Could be worse, I guess. It could be Barbara Mikulski. Jesus. Why does every woman in Baltimore look like her?

Around The Web