It’s Always the Quiet Ones

05.07.08 10 years ago 38 Comments

Since news of Marvin Harrison’s potential involvement in last week’s shooting everyone has been asking why he owns a .50 caliber handgun. Even when the investigation comes to a close it’s a question that MarHar will likely have to answer for The Rog, even if it is none of his damn business.

Here are ten potential reasons MarHar might own an FN five-seveN, any of which should placate even the most dictatorial Commissioner.

-He’s hunting Bigfoot.

-Because even the kicker makes fun of his dick in the shower.

-He was trying to impress Alicia Keys.

-He needed protection for last year’s road trip to Baltimore.

-It helps keep Reggie Wayne in his place.

-The offensive lineman call you a fag if you don’t bring a gun to practice on the first day of hunting season.

-Just in case he’s called on to invade Panama.

-To make sure that Jason Castro never sings again.

-He’s a Belgian double agent.

-Because it is one badass motherfucking gun, bitch.

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