Vernon and Vontae Davis filmed a commercial for an athletic wrap company called Arctic Ease. I found the ad amusing mostly because the concept involves a narrator correcting a couple of dumb athletes who think the product works because of magic or space alien technology. Yet the commercial’s attempt at illustrating the product’s powers of soothing includes words flying into the red spots in Vernon Davis’ leg, turning it blue, which may or may not be a good thing. “No, dummies, it’s not magic. The wraps just invoke the restorative power of the written words that fly through the air. This is complex science, fellas.”
— Chris Cooley and his former cheerleader wife are getting a divorce, less than a month after he was left go from the Redskins. The two had been separated since January, apparently. So, yeah, there have been happier times for Captain Chaos. Though possibly also less chaotic.
— Pepsi got Kid Rock to create an anthem for the Detroit Lions. It’s just forgettably awful, which is about as much as you could hope for it.
— Joe Flacco on his contract situation following Week 1: “Yeah, I’m not worried about my contract, that’s exactly why. As time goes by, I don’t see myself getting any cheaper. So, we’ll see how that goes.” He’s got a point. The price of MAYBE ELITE never drops, unless it does.
— Nike is shockingly miffed that RGIII covered up the swoosh on his official Redskins pregame apparel. And Subway is upset that he couldn’t have found a way to smear avocado all over the rest of it. It is a superfood, guys.
— LaMarr Woodley told the media that the Steelers “won’t be 0-2” after this weekend. Whether he actually plans to get a sack this week wasn’t discussed, however.
— Ike Taylor is trying his hand at rapping, because it’s reasonable to start doing that at the age of 32.
— New York Daily News writer cites a source who thinks Tebow will ask for a trade after the season, because that’s the team-first thing to do or something? It all makes sense if you’re a hack writer suspending reason in order to to make deadline.
— Seahawks receiver Doug Baldwin broke two of his teeth and bit through his lip diving for a catch against the Cardinals. Pete Carroll says that if you leave teeth under your pillow, Terrell Owens take them to pawn for child support money.
— Chad Johnson plead not guilty to the charge of battery for the alleged attack on his wife last month. Given Chad’s leg ink, it might be bad timing for him to have Chris Brown proving that having tattoos of your lady is strictly a domestic abuser thing.