With the NFL Draft in our rearview and a four-month stretch of barren, football-free shitscape in front of us, it is time once again for us to turn our mock drafting responsibilities over to you, the fiendishly clever KSK readership.
Today’s draft is a Sexual Frankenstein Draft. You have the power to stitch together a dream lover from the parts of any famous person you please, male or female. You’ve no doubt seen this done with quarterbacks roughly 700 times in ESPN magazine (“Our dream QB has Dan Marino’s quick release and Brett Favre’s derring-do!!!”). So gay. So very gay. This is a far sexier way of doing business.
You can also pick personality traits, wealth, or any other characteristic of your celebrity that you hold close to your heart. Once reanimated, you and your sexy, sexy monster will have one big, orgasmatastic life together.
THE RULES: Pick one body part or characteristic at a time. Once a part from a celebrity is taken, that celebrity goes off the board entirely. Once you pick something, YOU MUST LET 10 OTHER PEOPLE PICK BEFORE CHOOSING AGAIN. If you violate the protocol, and just throw down some stupid fucking list, you will be summarily destroyed by the other commenters and personally berated by members of the KSK staff. Fall in line, you undisciplined little shit.
And, as the conductor of this draft, I get first pick. That first pick? Stacy Kiebler’s stems.
Oh Lily, Lily, Lily, Lily, legs, Lily, Lily. I cannot find the words to truly express my joy at the rekindling of our association.
Now, DRAFT! Draft, I tell you! Go go go!