Janky Spanky + Flava Flav = Crazy Deelishis

11.02.06 11 years ago 16 Comments

Rumors are flying all over the tubular internets regarding a new lady in the life of my favorite football player. Although the rumors may be a bit under the radar, they have provided me with a joy I can’t properly describe… but I’ll try.

If you watch “Flavor of Love” on VH1 (and if you do you should probably just tie the fucking noose), you are undoubtedly familiar with this season’s winner. Her name is Deelishis (her real name is London Charles; Flav has to give all the girls names he can remember) and it looks as if she and Flav have broken it off. To get an idea of their on camera relationship you need look no further than YouTube …or right below the words you’re reading right now.

At least I hope they’ve broken up, because he just found out he knocked up another woman. The good news in all of this is that the ridiculously proportioned female is now snuggling up against the hiked up pants of Janky Spanky

Obviously I’m referring to the Redskins’ running back virtuoso Clinton Portis.

I salute you; that piece of ass looks like it came straight off the cover of KING. I know it’s been a rough season so I’m glad to know you’ve spent your bye week on something so reproductive. Now all you have to do is invite the KSK crew over to Portis household to see that “fire pole” earn its keep.

As you can plainly see from the generous pictorial evidence, Deelishis makes for a fairly apt nickname… considering Flav’s been fucking daffy since the late ’80s. As happy as I might be for Clinton’s apparent conquest I have to express a bit of concern; this shit’s gotta end. You made your mark, now put her on the back burner until we’re mathematically eliminated.

Oh and one more thing… get your ass over to the Anacostia Neighborhood Health Clinic, tell them you’re Dolemite Jenkins and you need some penicillin. I don’t even want to think about the fucked up shit crawling all over Flava Flav.

Just for the record this is just the latest in a growing trend of Redskin pimps. Adam Archuleta, despite his inability to cover Bill Parcells, is dating a former Playboy Playmate. Then there’s Johnny White Guy himself who’s dating an ex-cheerleader (if you can believe it, she was dismissed for fraternization with an H-Back).

Throw the record out the window, I fucking love this team.

Of course we’ve got our Bible Belt relationships as well. From what I can tell Mark Brunell and Joe Gibbs are in some sort of five way relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…freaky.

What a whacky group, I can only guess what might come next…Sean Taylor dating TO’s childhood crush/sister? Brandon Lloyd dating Foxy Brown? Andre Carter dating Kenny Wright? The possibilities are endless; remember, we unleashed Fred Smoot on the NFL.

Flav Having Baby With White Woman, Deelishis Dating NFL Player

UPDATE: London’s people are denying the claims. For some more details click on this.

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