KSK Kommentariat Komments of the Week: January 15-21, 2014

01.22.14 4 years ago 47 Comments

Cetificate Of Merit Jan 21

Welcome to KSK, where devotion is measured in how far one would go to spread the word of our little party we have going here. We appreciate when fine Kommenters like Horatio Cornblower are willing to make fools of themselves for the sake of of the site, stating, “If I were to go to the Super Bowl I would tape a frisbee to my back, write “KSK RULEZ, PK DRULEZ” on it and throw it across the field in the middle of the third quarter. I would subsequently tell security that my name was Footsteps Falco.” May we all find our own personal Footsteps Falco.

But before we get started, a hearty congratulations to Kommentariat stalwart JJFozz on the birth of a Little JJFozz. May the late-night feedings not keep you from your commenting duties.

I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your finest comments for the week of January 15, Anno Domini 2014.

Pro Bowl Draft Day 1: Live Blog (Because It’s Still Football)

Mike McCarthyism

So is Jimmy Haslam gonna show up and draft a coach?

KSK Celebrity Pickakke: RG3 Raps His Super Bowl Pick

Make It Snow

RG3: [drops mic]

Mic: [hits knee]

RG3: [is shut down for rest of season]


Meanwhile, the Kirk Cousins version:

Yo, RG3, Let’s kick it!

White White Baby, White White Baby
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Kirk’s in the house as a backup Redskin
Griffin grabs a hold of his hammy
Fall like a bitch whinin’ for his mammy
Will he ever heal? Yo – I don’t know
I get off the bench and watch me throw
To the extreme I toss a screen like Unitas
Get a first down and pump a fist like a tightass.

Dance, cuz the pocket’s collapsing
I’m cookin with gas like a Caucasian Hop-Sing
Deadly, when I slide on my back end
Anything more than a yard is a sick win
Love it or leave it, You better just sack up
You better hit me hard, After me there’s no backup
If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll fix it
Check out my pass while the cornerback picks it

White White Baby I’m Very White White Baby I’m Very
White White Baby I’m Very White White Baby I’m Very

Yo, Dan, let’s get out of here! Word to your mother!

Yet Another Coach Has Turned Down The Browns

For the foundation of a beautiful comedy pyramid.

Lord of the Buttfumble

New game: Terrible jobs which are infinitely better than the Browns job.

I’ll start: Captain of the Hindenburg.

KSK Celebrity Pickakke: Buzzfeed

Old School Zero

Can’t wait for the Thought Catalog response “Why being a 23 year old trustafarian in NYC is like the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl”

Richard Sherman’s Antics Were A False Flag Operation To Distract Us From Goodell Eliminating The Extra Point


Why not institute a panel of judges that awards you 6-8 points based on how closely your touchdown resembled “football, the way it’s meant to be played?”

Ballin’ Kaepernick 30+ yard scramble = 6 points
Kuhn 2 yard dive = 7 points
Peyton Manning throwing a play action 3 yard out to one of his non-former-basketball playing tight ends = 8 points

NFC Championship Live Blog, Second Half

John Elways Teeth

BRB, starting a blog called Scaring Erin Andrews.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

If the 49ers win this game, I hope the Broncos fans shout IN-CHEAP-PLEATS at Harbaugh all game long.

AFC Championship Live Blog, Second Half

Because this one was just sweet after a tough game.


Manning give Brady a high five

Rex Ryan Greatest Coach Ever Gets A Contract Extension


“Even though there is No Exit from Shonn Greene’s empty locker, one must embrace the void.”

-J.P. Sartre, excerpt from “A He-Man’s Guide to Existentialism”

Eric Decker Wants To Share Sexy Photos Of His Pregnant Wife With You


–the blandest of perverts

Enrico Pallazzo

Jessie seems to be holding a little high which would make the baby an Upper Decker. THANK YOU!

What Can We Get Peyton Manning To Endorse Next

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’d say an Ikea endorsement is perfect: adored by white people, held together by screws, and prone to collapsing after about six months of use.

Seahawks Are Already Super Bowl Champs, According To One Fan’s Tattoo


He is going to be pissed when the league chops off his arm and sends it to Uganda in a few weeks.

NFL Tells People With Broken Legs To Rub Some Dirt On It, Crutches Presumably Not Allowed At Super Bowl


The prohibition on Banners is just more evidence that the Browns will never reach the Super Bowl.

Ryan Tannehill’s Wife Left His Assault Rifle in the Backseat of a Rental Car

I love it when you call me Bob Poppa

He was going to buy a Mossberg but his coaches convinced him to try something else after seeing him work with the shotgun.

KSK Kontent Klearinghouse — DangeRuss Dog

Clipboard Jesus

This was the Seahawks second effort with this. Originally it was going to be a plain hot dog named for Golden Tate, but nobody wanted to be reminded it was lip and asshole.

With The Vikings, Mike Zimmer Finally Gets His Head Coaching Job

Make It Snow

By Week 5 he’ll have replaced that deer’s head with Christian Ponder’s, and no one will notice because Ponder’s got exactly the same look on his face.

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