I would like to take a moment to address the criticism made by some of the members of the media directed at this organization’s decision not to take a receiver until the 4th round this past weekend.
Frankly, we feel as though we have a solid but unheralded receiving corps that is capable of accomplishing great things if given greater time to congeal as a unit. That talent coupled with the recent acquisition of Pro Bowl tight end Alge Crumpler has us in a position where we feel like we have already taken the next step from playoff team to Super Bowl contender.
[Door flies open]
Vince Young: AAAAAAHHHHHHH Fuck! I’m on fire! AH AAAAHH AAAAAAAHHH
Fisher: Hello Vince.
Reporter: Coach Fisher! Does Vince Young being in a state of combustion affect the strategy of this team going forward?
Fisher: We have integrated the fire into our larger off-season strategy, but whether we will acquire the means to extinguish it depends largely on cap room and the availability of fire safety equipment on the free agent market.
In fact, I have just been made aware that the Tennessee Titans have just acquired an undrafted wet nap to address the situation.
[Tosses wet nap on Young to no noticeable effect]
Reporter: Will that be enough? The smell of burning flesh is getting to be pronounced.
Fisher: The moisture from the wet nap will extinguish the fire.
Reporter: Are you sure?
Fisher: Well, either that or the fire will just burn out. There’s not much around here to keep it going.
Young: Ohmigod! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HELP MEEEEEEEE!
Reporter: Won’t Young be dead by the time the fire burns out on its own?
Fisher: That is a possibility, but we really can’t entertain speculation at this point. We’ll assess our quarterback situation once the fire goes out and make the necessary adjustments.
[Pumps fist and walks off]