“Jimmy Graham is a petulant child,” says man who gets mad when he watches sports

08.18.14 3 years ago 66 Comments


Sporting News

Well folks we made it through one whole week with out the NFL producing a moment that made us all shake my collective head, but Jimmy Graham woudnt let us make it two.

Or maybe it was just because in week 1 the sloppiness of the games and inability to put together a coherent offense was over shadowed by Tony Stewart also not being able to complete a decent drive.

At any rate Jimmy Graham is a parently laying the case for his next arbitration to get payed as a NBA player instead’ve a tight end by literally thumbing his nose at Roger Goodell by having the nerve to dunk the football TWICE during his preseson game verse the Titans. It should be noted that players are still welcomed to execute fundamentaly sound chest passes and two-handed layups on the goalpost for guys who are literally to stupid to know what sport there playing.

And Jimmy would of gotten away with it if it werent CBS’ Gregg Doyel to rise to the challenge and type what all of us internet commenter’s were thinking:

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Gregg kindve shows off here by using a big word that Im going to pretend to know the defnition of. Typicaly the only thing you should trust a lamestream sportswriters opinion on is where to find the closest toilet but Im pretty sure that I would trust this guy to tell me whose a petulant child:



The article itself is great besides that fact that it completely underminds itself at one point. Doyel even kicks it u a notch saying that Jimmys antics are much much worse then just a me-fisrt flashy sideshow:

If that’s all this was, an ugly look for Jimmy Graham, everyone could move on. Players — people, me included — make fools of themselves daily. It’s the human condition to take what you have and spoil it out of immaturity, stupidity, whatever. See my hand in the air? Been there. Done it. Will do it again.

But this is more than an ugly look for Jimmy Graham. This is a threat to Sean Payton and to the NFL at large

While this is great and a good thing that makes sense, I dont think Gregg goes quite far enough. Why stop at calling him a threat to the NFL? Jimmys actons are a threat to the NFL, our children if I had any, Democracy, and global geopolitical stabilty. While Gregg Doyel dosent’ have the balls to go that far, I know one sportswriter who does. Me.

Thats why Im unvieling my Hit-list: A list of NFL players who’re currently most like Hitler. Heres the first edition:

1. Jimmy Graham- The way Jimmys braking rules desinged so specificaly to limit his power you can almost start calling the NFL the League of Nations folks.

2. Robert Griffin the Thuhrer- After kicking his boss out and consoldating power, Griffins plotting a nother big year of overthrows.

3. Michael Sam

4. Johnny Manzel- biggest defeat so far is to a coked-up US President.

5. Chip Kelly- Had early sucess and you have to admit some intriging ideas, but relies too much on speed to come up with offensive attacks.

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