Just Your Average Romo

05.23.13 4 years ago 28 Comments

Tony Romo had his first long go with the press since signing his $108 million extension with the Cowboys this week, handing out the the same old platitudes about “haven’t achieved our goals” and “love this organization” Dallas fans have been hearing for years under Jerry Jones and their oft-criticized quarterback.

Then there was this:

“We were 8-8. That feels average. I don’t like being an average football team. I don’t like being an average quarterback who is a part of 8-8. I feel like we’re better than that.

But that’s the thing, despite being the starting quarterback on a —  if not the —  premiere NFL franchise, everything about Tony Romo just feels pretty average. Nothing about him seems larger than life like a LeBron James, Derek Jeter or Sidney Crosby. Even the frumpy, toe-haired Wayne Rooney seems more glamorous than Tony Romo.

We started to email about this last night, coming to the conclusion Romo should be happy with 8-8, because well, he is rather average. Our arguments:

He is average looking.
He has an average endorsement deal with Starter.
He has an average celebrity wife.
His putting is probably pretty average.
His scrambled eggs are average.

He’s also an average karaoke performer. He just doesn’t give it his all.
Embodies the intro to Rockwell’s “Somebody’s Watching Me” with the “I work from 9 to 5, hey man I pay the price.”
He has HPV and herpes but not AIDS, hepatitis or chlamydia.
He’s just an average Millennial sympathizing with Lena Dunham on Sunday nights.
He orders spaghetti and meatballs every time he goes to an Italian restaurant. (“Spaghetti and meatballs? Well now you’ve made Flacco jealous.”)
He tends to stay within ten miles per hour of the speed limit.
He drinks Heineken.
Big DMB fan.
Sometimes he splurges on a nice sirloin steak.
His favorite book has at least two sequels.
He’s read 50 Shades of Grey and two Tom Clancy novels.
CSI! Which one’s which again?
Just to be safe he DVRs the entire CBS lineup, never watches anything else.

(Danger Guerrero of course had to be a dissenter and add, “His smile is kind of above average, though. Really lights up a room.”)

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