An Arbitrary Number of Fast Facts on the Dallas Cowboys…
When he’s been naughty Wade Phillips enjoys being disciplined with his father’s personalized “Bum Paddle.”
Terrell Owens isn’t suicidal, he’s a contortionist.
Assistant coach Wade
Phillips Wilson was using HGH and steroids to battle his diabetes. Scoff if you want but the New England Journal of Medicine is about to publish his other thesis, The Healing Properties of Crack Cocaine on the Central Nervous System.
Before Tony Romo can be considered a “true” Cowboy he’s going to need a few concussions and/or a massive drug habit.
Some guy named Jamaica Rector made the team as a wide receiver. Jamaica Rector immediately becomes my favorite Cowboy ever (although that Dat Phan was pretty funny).
Jerry Jones’s face is 30% rayon but dry cleaning is recommended.
Lousaka Polite once cut in front of me at The O. It’s no wonder the Cowboys cut him the other day.
If Anthony Fasano grew out a killer mustache he might get a bit more attention.
Over the summer our favorite Cowboys Cheerleader has been working on her two favorite attributes, her tan and her ability to look in two directions simultaneously.
Dallas has often been known as “America’s Team” but it should be noted that a lot of Americans are total dumber than shit.
And now, the only Dallas shirt I’ve ever considered purchasing…