The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in the Pink Taco! Up next, it’s the cast of Project Runway!
Tim Gunn: Sooooo… talk to me people. How we doing? Super Bowl picks?
Christian: Patriots by 13. This pick is too fabulous to be wrong. I’m too fabulous to be wrong.
God that was easy. What’s taking everyone so long?
(/gets beaten to death by people who weren’t homophobic until they saw him)
Gunn: Amazing. Fabulous. Jillian?
Jillian: I don’t know. I just don’t know if I have time to make this pick. I think the score will be tied at ten after the first quarter, then a Patriots touchdown on a Randy Moss catch-and-run give them the lead before both teams turn it over on consecutive possessions, and I know I want the final result to be a Giants win outright, but now I don’t know if I’m going to have the time to finish this insanely detailed prediction. I’m not sure if this is going to work out. Maybe if I can glue some touchdowns on Plaxico? Oh God I hope this works.
Rami: I think Jillian’s pick is really daring. She’s just a really talented prognosicator.
Jillian: (/blushes and smiles)
Rami: I tried to make my pick a little more sophisticated. I mean, there’s a history of Super Bowl blowouts when an excellent team faces an outmatched opponent from a weaker conference. Niners-Chargers in XXIX, Redskins-Broncos in XXII, Niners-Broncos in XXIV. So I like the Pats by 30.
(/eye-fucks Jillian more)
Gunn: I like it. Daring.
Elisa: I took a bath in vinegar once. It put me in touch with my soul.
I didn’t think picking a winner would be… so… hard.
(/wipes tears from face)
(/wears stupid fucking hat)
Sweet P: …Giants by 20?
Gunn: Oh no. Nonononononono. Sweet P. What. Are. You. Thinking?
Sweet P: I thought it’s kind of hip…
Gunn: Hippity-dippity, more like. Make it work!
Sweet P: (/furiously reworks prediction)
(/new prediction still sucks)
Heidi Klum: Then we’ve reached our decision?
Patriots, you have won all of your 18 games so far this season. But your year was marred by a videotaping scandal that was completely unnecessary for a team of your talent. In addition, one of your key defensive players was suspended four games for using human growth hormone, and your fans are insufferable morons. We want you push the limits at Project Runway, but at times you have pushed them too far.
Giants, you’ve come a long way from where you started. The judges are impressed by your perseverance, but we’re not sure you have the raw talent to survive a Super Bowl against a more talented, more experienced team with a far better coach.
Patriots, you’re in. Giants, you’re out. Auf Wiedersehen!
(/gets masturbated to)