Johnny Football just cannot help himself when it comes to having fun, but one has to wonder if Manziel has what it takes to be an ELITE quarterback if he needs someone to balance a Drinking Swan while chugging champagne. In a KSK exclusive, we sat down with the Drinking Swan to ask him about what it was like to party with the new Browns superstar and why Manziel needed help balancing on his back.
KSK: Thank you for taking time out your day to speaking with us, Drinking Swan. I imagine you’ve had quite a ride since the picture of you and Johnny Manziel was posted on Deadspin.
Drinking Swan: Happy to be here. I’m a big fan of PFTC and Christmas Ape, and even remember Footsteps Flacco from the early days of your site. They are some of the best bloggers to have names weirder than mine.
KSK: So set the scene for us. What was going on Friday night when you met Johnny Manziel?
Drinking Swan: Well, the X Games were in town so I knew there was a possibility things could get strange if I went out. Austin in many ways is like the hipster version of Cancun. People like to get just wasted when they visit Sixth Street for SXSW, Moontower, Keep Austin Weird, Fantastic Fest, Butt-Numb-A-Thon and obviously, the X Games which just came here from LA. If there is anything I’ve learned as a Drinking Swan in Austin, Angelenos and New Yorkers love to get blasted in Austin on someone else’s dime. Anyway, after spending some time on a party barge, my friend got a text that we could get into a party at Club Rio. It was being sponsored by some rock and roll jewelry place out of NYC, the type of place that makes pieces for rappers and ballers, so we knew we had to go.
KSK: I imagine it’s pretty easy to get into exclusive parties when you’re a Drinking Swan.
Drinking Swan: Not as easy as you think. People know I’m fun to be around, but there is always some girl with implants and a visible thong or a Persian of questionable wealth flashing a Rolex Black that seem to get the call before me. Luckily my wingman — no pun intended — is pretty tight with most of bouncers around town and we can usually slide in eventually.
KSK: You get into jamming party, is your next step to get into the nearest body of water?
Drinking Swan: I usually grab at least one or two vodkas and diet Redbulls before jumping in the pool or the fountain. Helps me relax for the performance and once I’m in the water, it’s hard to get out and get another drink without seeming like I’m calling too much attention to myself. The key to being a cool Drinking Swan is making the party but not BEING the party if you know what I mean.
KSK: I think I follow. When did you realize Johnny Manziel want to go for a ride?
Drinking Swan: I’m pretty good at picking out which partiers are at the magic stage of wanting to do something stupid fun like jumping on my back. Johnny had just gotten to the party and seemed pretty buzzed, but not wasted by any means. He was eyeing me up the second he walked in the door, so I knew something was going to go down.
KSK: Do you get nervous? If someone has had too much to drink, they could probably hurt you.
Drinking Swan: Oh, definitely. If I thought Manziel was going to puncture me or fall off and hurt himself, I wouldn’t have let him on. But he seemed pretty in control and I knew this was a good chance for me to up my profile…
KSK: If you say your “brand” we’re ending this interview right now.
Drinking Swan: No, no. Bring a Drinking Swan is its own reward, but it helps if I get more exposure outside of Austin. Last time I went to Vegas I ended up stuck at the Hard Rock when the real party was at Mandalay Bay and that kind of stung. Figured a little time sharing the spotlight with Manziel would help me there. Plus, the Christmas Tree Kiefer Sutherland tackled in England ended up with its own BBC Channel 17 show, so you never know. Wouldn’t mind being on Tosh or a Funny Or Die video.
KSK: Back to Manziel. Was he a gentle lover?
Drinking Swan: Ha! Yes, he was easy to lay on my back and already had the champagne ready to go. I don’t think he knew he was posing for a picture at the time though. Just something silly to do, which is cool with me. Whole thing was over in about an minute and he went back to his party.
KSK: What about the person holding the back of you? Do you normally need someone to help your riders from falling off?
Drinking Swan: Almost always. Again, we’re dealing with drunk people on an inflatable swan. Balancing me and alcohol is tough. Used to be bros would fall of my back and then pissed and want to fight, so I asked my wingman — again, apologies for the pun, to hold my hindquarters so meatheads don’t mess my shit up.
KSK: Don’t you think an ELITE quarterback would have better balance than your average Joe though?
Drinking Swan: Maybe, but we really don’t know if Manziel is ELITE yet though. Hope he is though, I’d like to be able to tell my grandswans about the time I met a legend.
KSK: Have you given any other famous people a ride?
Drinking Swan: Jared Leto one year during SXSW, but he’s a fuck. Tried to get ScarJo once but it was back when she was dating Sean Penn and he was possessive and wouldn’t let her ride me. A Drinking Swan can dream though.
KSK: Last question. Is Joe Flacco ELITE?
Drinking Swan: Hahahahaha. I knew you were going to ask that. PFTC is the best and I love that question every time he asks. No, I don’t think Flacco is elite, mostly because he’d never ride a Drinking Swan. He’d ride something on land. A Drinking Turtle maybe.
KSK: Thank you for your time.
Drinking Swan: Thank you. Shout out to all my pals at Party City and my wingman Chris. This has been been a weekend of a lifetime and I couldn’t have done it without them.
(H/T OnlyObi for being a the party with his phone at the ready.)