Late breaking news today that 7835 Myroncope, an asteroid located between Mars and Jupiter, has been named for the late Steelers broadcaster. Because the Steelers are endlessly mockable and because we need to pass the rest of the afternoon, we served up an array of astronomical gags. The asteroid is occasionally referred to as a comet, because we don’t know the difference between the two.
That asteroid is six months younger than Rooney
The asteroid is about three miles wide and 88 million miles from Earth. It cannot be seen by the naked eye, making it slightly less desolate than Pittsburgh.
It’s surface used to be covered in grass, but now it’s mostly just sloppy frozen mud.
Hines calls it an Ass Loid
The asteroid is expected to slide right into Alan Faneca’s roster spot
Even from the comet you could tell James Harrison was held in the 4th quarter of the Jaguars game
It’s not expected to collide with the Earth, thereby not ending the world or affecting any Steelers games. Pittsburghers call it the Terrible Asteroid.
The Steelers launch a missile at it containing explosives, Anthony Smith and Sean Mahan
The comet almost collides with the Earth but gets pulled into Casey Hampton’s gravitational field
Like an attractive Steeler fan, it only comes along once every 76 years.
The asteroid took a cheapshot at Carson Palmer’s knee.
Jeff Reed wants to fuck it
Principal Skinner is pissed about the snub.
Greg Lloyd is asking it for money.
nepatriotsdraft.com still thinks the comet has less celestial impact than Wes Welker.
Cedrick Wilson’s fiancee is holding the asteroid hostage
Everybody thinks the asteroid looks like Omar Epps
Like Willie Parker, it isn’t anywhere near as fucking fast as we was promised.
MDS can see the positives and negatives of having a comet named after your deceased announcer.
Troy Polamalu won’t stop praying to the damn thing.
Know who also leaves a comet tail? A Steeler fan with no legs who can’t get to the bathroom in time.
The asteroid hits harder than Daniel Sepulveda.
The extraterrestrial residents near 7835 Myroncope want the Steelers to win “one for the lower dorsal flange.”
Mike Florio is reporting that the asteroid is dead.
The comet tail is almost as long as Santonio’s dick.
It’s actually easier to find a job on that comet than in Pittsburgh.
Got any more after that joke shower? Let’s have ’em in the comments.