Through seven games of the NFL’s preseason, the biggest story (other than RGIII LOOKIN’ LIKE A DANG PRO BOWLER, COOCH!) has been the questionable abilities of the league’s replacement referees. Whether it’s repeatedly calling a team by the wrong name or calling a touchback on a punt downed at the five yard line, these replacements have already been cause for much consternation. So much so, that the Ginger Hammer’s office felt it necessary to send out a memo reminding teams that they will be fined if they dare to bitch about the incompetent refereeing.
And yes, the refereeing is going to be incompetent. One of these replacements was fired for ruining that USC/Stanford game in 2010, and another lost his old job for writing racist notes to himself and his coworkers in an effort to secure a transfer. Not very Hochulian behavior, sir. Worse yet, one of them could start leaking menstrual blood all over the place during the two minute warning.
With this in mind, I am tasking you with replacing the professionals of your choice, if only on a temporary basis. Ideally you’d replace people who would never be missed, as opposed to essential personnel like firefighters and guys who throw yellow flags. But hey, I’m not here to tell you how to draft, so go nuts. With the first pick in the draft, I’m picking Congress. So all of you can pack up your crap and hop on the first Megabus out of town.