Just when you think the “Call Me Maybe” videos have completely run their course, here comes Pittsburgh being way behind the rest of the country. So Pittsburghish. To recap this horrendous trend from a football context, first there was the ginger theater dork doing “Call Me Brady”. That was followed by the faptastic dub of the actual Carly Rae Jepsen song by the Dolphins cheerleaders, which was glorious. There might have been – and likely were – more examples that we didn’t feel like bothering with, but it seemed like the practice was tapering off. Then the Steelers had to go and put out this poorly lip-synched version from their training camp.
Anyway, it’s great if you wanna THE BEN hang out with kids in PUSHY CHAIRS, as well as sad camera mugging from Shaun Suisham, Ike Taylor and flirty James Harrison. I’d probably be super depressed about it for the rest of the day if not for the news that Mike Wallace is reporting to the team this weekend.
— Looks like the Steelers let Chris Rainey back into the preseason game against the Colts after he lost consciousness. WELP. Back to depression I go.
— A group of NFL rookies was asked to draw their own football cards for Panini. The results were gloriously, hilariously awful. Except for Brock Osweiler’s, which is a pretty accurate design for what a high school senior would draw on her rear windshield at homecoming.
— Michael Strahan, rumored to be getting his own TV talk show for some time, will getting Regis Philbin’s old job alongside Kelly Ripa on that morning show your parents watch. Strahan will retain his regular duties derping along with the crew on FOX’s Sunday pregame show, lest you thought they could be jettisoning both he AND Frank Caliendo in one year.
— Clinton Portis is set to retire as a Redskin. BUT AS WHAT CHARACTER!?
— Warren Sapp: “I never even sold crack!” That comes from an interview about his new memoir and not an episode of “Judge Sapp”, though I imagine the two will be pretty similar in coherence.
— Andy Reid blamed his red hair for his sideline outburst at Cullen Jenkins during last night’s preseason game in New England. Because Andy Reid totally doesn’t have any legitimate reasons for being emotionally unstable right now.
— Marshawn Lynch’s lawyer is going RAYCESS MOE and saying that Lynch was only pulled over for a DUI because he’s black.