KSK Mock Draft: Contrarian Draft Pt. 2

By: 08.15.14  •  657 Comments

Last week, we explored our contrarian side by drafting things we hate that the rest of the world seems to be infatuated with and about which can brook no dissent. This week, we’re going with the flip side of that: things we enjoy that the most of the rest of the world has deemed undesirable, passe or just plain wrong.

Yours in the comments.

1. RobotsFightingDinosaurs — Hanson

Fuck you, MMMBop was a catchy song. Have any of you listened to Middle of Nowhere recently? Do it. Yeah, there’s MMMBop, but there’s also a song on that record describing the story of a kid who just stopped showing up to their school one day, and every adult they talk to won’t give them a straight answer about what happened to him. It’s actually pretty fucking dark. And Hanson’s drummer was like, 8 at the time he helped write it with his brothers. For their entire career, Hanson has written all their own songs, and somehow, got big enough to compete with N’Sync and Backstreet Boys, who had, like, focus groups and shit writing their songs. And again, they did all this before puberty. It’s amazing. Everyone I know who has been to a concert or met them in person says they are some of the most down to earth people they’ve met. They still tour today, and their sound is listenable, if a bit adult-alternative-y.

I know my fellow record-player owners want to crucify me for this, but the fact is that pop music is fun. Fuck you if you don’t like it.

2. StuScottsBooyahs — Dangling prepositions



I am sick of listening to editors bitch about this arbitrary rule. I ENJOY dangling prepositions. Prepositions are the things that I like to decorate the end of sentences with.

3. Christmas Ape — “E.T. the Extra Terrestrial” for Atari.

It’s almost always cited as the worst video game of all-time and, yes, it was such a financial disaster that it sunk Atari and hurt the entire console gaming industry for years. A bunch had to be buried in a landfill in New Mexico. For a while, that was only thought to be a myth but some people recently found them. THAT SAID: it’s not that bad of a game. I’ve played through it several times. Some aspects of it are frustrating but it’s overall okay.

4. Spilly — ’90s electronic music

So yes, most people had a Jock Jams CD at some point in their life for a party, but there’s so much more to 90s dance music than Miami bass and cheesy dancepop. Before electronic music became as popular and polarizing as it is today, there were a ton of interesting artists pushing out in subgenres like drum and bass, trance, and house that were dismissed by an entire decade because LOL EURO. Except Aqua. Aqua can burn in hell.

5. Johnny Sugar — ’80s hair metal

I unabashedly love pretty much all of this shit. When I made the Hair Metal Football League, that was one of the best afternoons I’ve had in awhile. I listen to Def Leppard’s greatest hits on a regular basis, and I maintain that “Pour Some Sugar On Me” is an absolute masterpiece. I get that things had gotten too far in the early 90s, and it needed to die, but all of that music is still really fun to me. It’s a shame that there will never be a revival because the people you see at a Poison concert these days are basically the worst people on Earth. Plus, no bands have aged well – current Bon Jovi is like an even more bland version of Imagine Dragons. But I’ll always enjoy jamming to Twisted Sister and Whitesnake, and nothing will change my mind.

6. Big Sandy — Dessert Pizza



Whenever i would wind up at CiCi’s Pizza in Metairie for hangover brunch with some friends, I was the only one who made a bee-line for the dessert pizza. You can say it’s gross all you want but that shit is gold to me.

7. Old James — Banana Runts

I’m a monster.

8. Sarah Sprague — Star Wars Episodes I-III



Not even going to justify it.

9. Trevor Risk — Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull



Show this film to a person as young as you were when you first watched Raiders and they’ll think it’s fine. Same if you show all the movies to someone your age who hasn’t seen any of them. It’s not that it’s incredible, but it’s better than Temple of Doom. In order of best to worst it goes: Crusade, Raiders, Crystal Skull, Temple of Doom. Stop trying to interrupt me to talk about how you hate Shia “I Pull My Wanger Out On Screen Now” LaBeouf. He’s FAR better of a companion than Kate “I’m Banging The Director” Capshaw. At the end of Temple she’s still whining about needing her hair gel or whatever it was that was still bothering her WASP-y ass. Granted, the scene where they try to escape in Crystal Skull and there’s that clearly rubber snake, kind of just stops the movie dead so they can make reference to Indiana’s ophidiophobia, and Cate Blanchett is the most overrated and mis-cast actress in Hollywood, but the rest of the movie is fun, nostalgic, and thrilling. The scene where Mutt and Indy are escaping from Russians on a motorbike and the Ruskies hit that statue of Marcus is great. Mutt smiles, and Indy disapproves, just like Henry did to Indy in Crusade. The line where Indy says “I like Ike,” makes me happy, and the line where the dean says “We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away,” makes me sad, and the line where that college boy yells “Get that greaser!” makes me excited. Ford does his own stunts, which at his age is impressive. I get that the whole “knowledge” thing bugs people, but i don’t understand how it does enough to make this movie literally Hitler in all your eyes.

10. David Rappoccio — Prometheus



Yeah, there are so many problems with the movie, especially the plot. How does the guy with the mapping system who is following the coordinates get lost? Why does he go zombie man? Why does Guy Pierce have the worst old man makeup in history? Yeah, the movie has serious issues and nothing makes sense. But my god, did you watch it? It was beautiful to look at. Every shot was gorgeous and the sound design was fantastic. No we didn’t really find out what the point was to the big white guys and nothing gets resolved, but it was just so pretty to look at that it was hard to care. I wasn’t too bothered by the plot issues because it felt like the people weren’t the main concern, the film left a lot of it very vague and it generated a lot of discussion over what things meant, and you could interpret it in a lot of different ways. Also, the alien abortion scene was fantastic and I’ve never squirmed like that at any movie before.

11. David Rappoccio — Vaccuming

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House chores are the worst but for some reason I have always loved vaccuming, to the point where my entire apartment can devolve into slop but it would still get vaccumed. Something so satisfying about seeing those lines on the carpet and hearing all that dirt get sucked into oblivion

12. Trevor Risk — Facebook



I talk to RobotsFightingDinosaurs on Facebook all the time, and we make plans to visit each other’s cities, which will most likely never happen, but it’s fun to pretend. Facebook is sweet. Add me.

13. Sarah Sprague — Unsweetened Ice Tea


Why does everyone need diabetes with their tea?

14. Old James — the new Ninja Turtles movie



Yes, I saw it. On opening weekend. There are plenty worse ways to spend $8 (Subway comes to mind).

And say what you want about Michael Bay. For most people that’s “these Turtles are too scary looking and you ruined a precious childhood memory of mine you ASSHOLE.”* For me, it’s “you had Michelangelo tell a dick joke and threw a Juicy J tune on over the closing credits you GENIUS.”

15. Big Sandy — Women



I like women. I have a mom, a sister, and, soon, even a wife. Some of my friends are even women! they’re smart and funny and do really awesome things every day even though dudes continue to harass them and pay them less money than dudes in the same job. I wish dudes would stop knocking out their fiances. I’ve never punched my fiancé because I actually love and respect her and don’t patronize her by selling a ton of pink merchandise in October and think we’re all cool. And it bums me out every time some guy on the bus is a dick to her or catcalls get. It’d be great of she could just travel home from work without dealing with demeaning garbage. That’s some bullshit. Don’t know why the world hates women so much.

16. Johnny Sugar — Subway

I’m team Lutz all the way. Give me every vegetable you have, then drench it some chipotle sauce, and I’m set.

17. Spilly — Soccer



I get it. Crucify me if you must, but I enjoy the ‘other football’ without resorting to obnoxious elitist habits. I only own like, two scarves! The flow of the game, the crowd chanting in unison and the novelty of no commercials is a breath of fresh air. It’s catching on here now – it’ll be the cool new sport any day now. For real this time. I mean it.

Aaaaany day now.

18. Christmas Ape — Distance running



Obviously there’s a decent sized community of dedicated runners out there and running is a popular exercise because it’s cheap and relatively easy. But holy shit do tons of people hate running and are very eager to tell you about it. Most of the time, when you mention you enjoy running or run often, the immediate reaction is “OH GOD I FUCKING HATE RUNNING I NEVER DO IT UNLESS THERE’S A CRISIS OR I’M PLAYING SOME KIND OF REAL SPORT” I’m not saying people are wrong for having this attitude. Running can suck and it’s frustrating — even if you enjoy it, you’ll be surprised how hard it gets if you stop for, say, a week. But I’m just one of those masochists, I guess.

19. StuScottBooyahs — Bottom shelf wine


That vinegary taste is the taste of value.

20. RobotsFightingDinosaurs — Malort



This is a spirit local to Chicago that people drink ironically. Depending on who you ask, it tastes like burning tires, motor oil, or Fireball gone bad. But if you try it more than once, you’ll realize it’s actually pretty good. It’s complex, bitter, and tastes like cinnamon and grapefruit rind once you’re used to the intensity. I don’t understand how people can drink vodka straight and say Malort tastes bad. Vodka tastes so much worse.

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