KSK Mock Draft: Factory Takeover

03.29.13 5 years ago 99 Comments

I’m sorry, Grimey. Does your son not own a factory downtown?

For this week’s draft we picked factories/plants/production facilities that we would want to take over. I figured we’d all pick really cool places with heavy machinery, robots and gay dance parties. Then Sarah proposed the idea of a Cheesecake Factory factory (it’s a thing) and most of us immediately fell back onto meat, chocolate, booze and recreational drugs. KSK!

1. Sarah – The Factory

Image via Warholstars.

Drugs, cool parties, the Rollings Stones are your hangers-on, 60s-era orgies, and filmmaking. Eventually everyone calls the thing art and you get to sell silkscreens other people made for you.

2. Flubby – Sierra Nevada Brewery

Image via SF Gate.

3. Ape – Foxconn

Image via WaPo.

I’ll give the workers a solid wage and better working conditions. Sorry if I made your iPhone more expensive.

4. CC – Buffalo Trace Distillery

Image via Southern Living.

Because it’s where Pappy Van Winkle comes from.

5. UM – Château Haut-Brion

Image via Bloomberg.

Some of the best wine in the world produced on site with a great chateau for parties.

6. Drew – Neuhaus chocolate factory

Image via Yahoo.

7. Drew – Nodine’s Smokehouse

Image via Nodine’s.

8. UM – Pat LaFrieda Meat Purveyors

Image via Gear Patrol.

I’m going to need some dry aged beef to go with all of that wine.

9. CC – LEGO factory

Image via Flickriver.

I’ll take the LEGO factory. I like LEGOs, and I’ve never been to Denmark.

10. Ape – Medical Marijuana Growing Facility

Image via Laughing Squid.

11. Flubby – Gibson Guitar factory

Image via Trip Advisor.

12. Sarah – US Mint

US History

Going to make million dollar gold coins and buy all of your factories.

Draft recap: Sarah’s first factory is a factory in name only, but nobody minds. Then she goes and gets selfish with the last pick. Good luck with the Secret Service! Flubby stays true to himself with high quality beer and guitars. Ape takes the one true factory of the draft, and it’s a noble gesture. Then he gets all of the pot he can handle. Not a bad day’s work. The master of the mailbag can drink himself silly and go swimming in a huge vat of disembodied LEGO heads, while I go with two of my true loves, wine and beef. Drew doubles down on food on the wrap. No matter how skinny he gets, he’ll always be a fat kid on the inside.

Add your picks in the comments. You could go with a box factory, or one of the other millions of places The Simpsons has taken us.

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