KSK Mock Draft: Topics That Make Twitter Go Boom

05.22.15 3 years ago 198 Comments
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This week we’re drafting topics that spark an enlightening and thoughtful exchange of ideas over social media. Just kidding, we’re talking about How to Start a Twitter War 101. Basically, the mere mention of said topic will cause masses of people to leave behind their basic humanity and blast each other through Twitter over stupid shit in a lovely anarchic flame war that’s fun to watch.

1. Dave Rappoccio – Soda vs. Pop

It’s Soda you Poptards, pop is what happens to poked balloons and 1/3rd rice krispies output. And don’t get Mr started on Coke, you backwards southerners

Ed. note: You’ve opened up multiple arguments about dialect! Bonus points for Dave.

2. Eric Sollenberger – Is a hotdog a sandwich?

It’s become canon as far as 21st century debates go, and yes, it is a sandwich.

3. Trevor Risk – Finding Amy Schumer’s humour too on-the-nose and occasionally gratuitous and hacky

4. PFT Commenter – Is Joe Flacco Elite?

5. RobotsFightingDinosaurs – Tipping

oh no please tell me more about how you are helping people who work in the service industry by not doing your part to pay them a living wage i am really interested and you are not the scum of the earth

6. Johnny Sugar – Beyonce

A little obvious, but say anything about her, and it’s a Hot Take-a-Palooza. Basically, everyone knows that her hardcore fans can be annoying and way too defensive, but the takes against her are just as bad, if not worse. I got so sick of people posting that meme showing how many producers worked on Beyonce’s album and Beck made his album by himself, which is just a fundamental misunderstanding of how pop music works.

7. Spilly – Orange is the superior Starburst flavor

Lemon is garbage and should be shot into the sun to better mankind.

Christmas Ape: Yeah, but who the hell defends lemon Starburst? Frankly, I don’t want to know.

Ed. note: THE ANSWER IS DRAKE!

(apologies for annoying TMZ guy)

Trevor Risk: /cocks shotgun – Lemon. Is. The. Only. Flavour.

Christmas Ape: Just as I suspected. No one.

So Drake and Trevor Risk are soulmates, apparently.

7. StuScottBooyahs – Baseball is a game.

Not a sport.

8. Old James – Endorsing a Darren Rovell tweet

Endorsing a Darren Rovell tweet.

9. Christmas Ape – Manual RTs

A lot of people don’t give a shit about it and some police it way, way too hard. You could make it more general and say people are always arguing about how others use Twitter but this specific point seems to arise more than most.

Ed. note: PLEASE WATCH INFORMATIVE YOUTUBE VIDEO.

10. Christmas Ape – Cake v. Pie

#TeamPieTillIDie

11. Old James – Crunchy vs. Smooth Peanut Butter

I’m just gonna take a jar of the smooth stuff to my fallout shelter and enjoy it in peace K BAI.

/Logs off Internet forever

12. StuScottBooyahs – Is cilantro gross?

It’s #TheDress before there was #TheDress.

Spilly: The cilantro thing IS a genetic abnormality. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster

13. Johnny Sugar – Hashtag Wars on @midnight

I feel like there’s a big divide between people who watch the show/enter 1-2 things into the contest on a given night, and people who are just allergic to it. I remember David Roth complaining about it when the show first started, and then that Conan writer ranting about Hardwick and Jimmy Fallon. It strikes me as harmless fun, but it sure can piss people off.

14. RobotsFightingDinosaurs – The Pronunciation of the word “Gif”

Spanish Cassel Magic and I pronounce it “heef”

15. PFT Commenter – Triscuits verse wheat thins

I say niether. In the first place cracker is a offensive term in the second place the correct anser is the new cheezit flavor grooves

Ed. note: The above video has 76 views. Please make it turn into an Internet sensation. Thanks.

16. Trevor Risk – Who the fuck cares about Bill Simmons?

“Are we really talking about where a free agent WRITER is going to end up? SMDH.” versus “BILL SIMMONS INVENTED SPORTS WRITING YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE WORD ‘IMPORTANT’ EVEN MEANS AND WITHOUT HIM WE’D STILL BE DRAWING STICK RANDY WHITES ON CAVE WALLS” argument.

17. Eric Sollenberger – Best burger

It typically comes down to Five Guys vs. In-and-Out and I would tend to say that in and out is better just because it’s a bit cheaper and less greasy, but both are delicious. It’s just weird seeing how many people swear that one or the other is absolute trash.

18. David Rappoccio – Anita Sarkeesian

Not feminism in general, just her specifically. It’s like an automatic “people give you opinions” button to just mention her name.

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