As surprising as it may sound, many of us here at Kissing Suzy Kolber, despite our love for football, have soured a bit on the fantasy football experience. It’s a tired, old concept in need of a major overhaul. Hell, the rules of fantasy football change less often than the rules of actual, you know, real football.
That said, we still wanted to come together as writers and form a fantasy football league for some healthy competition among the staff’s writers. But how to make the concept seem new?
David Rappoccio and I had an idea.
Let’s break fantasy football.
Here’s how this worked. We all auto-drafted a team based on our pre-draft ranking list. Now it’s our job to, before the season starts, create the worst team imaginable. The rules are as follows:
1: Every player in your starting lineup must be on the field at least once during the game. It doesn’t matter if they never touch the ball, but they must see in-game action. This is to prevent people from drafting all free agents and tanking.
2: If a player does not see on-field action, the owner of that team must pick up a talented player from the waiver wire (voted on by the rest of the staff) and start them in place of the offending player the following week.
3: The winner of the championship will be subjected to a humiliating, dehumanizing punishment (we’ll probably make them do Fun with PK or something).
So if you haven’t gathered by now, this is going to be scored like golf. We all want the lowest score possible, and to be knocked out of the playoffs as soon as we can so as to avoid the ultimate punishment. After the season starts, we’ll be back every week going over matchups and results. I’ve got a good feeling about my All Shons.