What’d we do this week? We gave you lots and lots of dicks.
It was a week full of obscenity, as it should always be around KSK. We learned to only refer to DeMarco Murray as Spray Tan, just like the cheating wives of former teammates do. Gronk taped a 69 to the back of his shirt. The number, not the sex position, but don’t rule out Gronk depicting the latter on his back at any given time. Travis Kelce made a dismissive tug at Von Miller (and got fined for it, even if Viller’s late hit on Alex Smith did not). Faced with a lifetime of Jets fandom starring him down, one kid made the only logical choice and started drinking. Kyle Orton ingested a mouthful of dip on the sideline, which is less graphic than it is disgusting.
But there was wholesome stuff too. A Bills Christmas lights display totally counts. That was wholesome as fuck.
Holidays are fine and all but be sure to remember that the country is still falling apart. Football has generated enough conversation about serious cultural issues on its own this year. Then five Rams players made a “hands up, don’t shoot” gesture and somehow football got drawn into the ongoing Ferguson/vicious-police-state problem the country has going on, and the St. Louis PD got pissed enough to get into a Twitter war with a football team.
Oh, and before we’re done – Brandon Marshall is likely finished for the year. That’s arguably better for him than playing the rest of this Bears season. Though it probably would have been better if he could have found a way to finish the year early but not have a collapsed lung.
More of Week 14 awaits on Sunday. Brian Hoyer is still starting for some reason. The Patriots now bare the curse of Bieber, AND IT BETTER STILL WORK. No fewer than 800 people are going to be arrested at the 49ers-Raiders game. Someone might pay $3 to go the Rams-Redskins game. It’ll be great.