We had some real, bona fide offseason going on this week. How real? A reporter actually asked Bill Belichick whether he was going to see the Entourage movie. I imagine the exchange went something like this:
Of course Belichick isn’t going to see it. It’s not even that the Patriots coach doesn’t have the time or won’t permit himself to some mindless entertainment. What matters is that Belichick is a sadist, not a masochist. If the public knew that the Entourage movie ended with the gang being flayed and fed to sharks (as it should), Grumblelord would be first in line. Well, early in line. I’d fight him to get in to see that. Make an alternate version of Entourage where everyone dies and I’ll buy Belichick his ticket. That’s my promise to Hollywood.
Anyway, enjoy the weekend and somehow resist the urge to watch irredeemably bad movies, unless it’s Kung Fury. Here’s a recap of the week that was:
— It dawned on Adrian Peterson that a 30-year-old running back – even a really, really good one – has basically no leverage in contract talks, so he’s back with the Vikings, despite getting none of the additional guaranteed money that he wanted.
— Yahoo, however, is cool with doling out $20 million to stream that early Bills-Jaguars London game in October. This is just the start of streaming deals for the NFL. I’m still holding out hope that it will be the WWE Network in 2016.
— The Summer of Gronk pub crawls on. We found out the whole Gronkowski clan is going to be appearing on “Family Feud” and I’m easily more excited for that than “Hard Knocks” at this point.
— Cam Newton got paid. His new deal is certainly a lot more friendly than some of the other recent starting quarterback contracts we’ve seen, and cheers to Cam for that. Given how upset John Schneider was about Ryan Tannehill’s deal, the Seahawks GM probably mailed a bunch of fish heads to the Panthers front office for Cam’s contract.
— A man consumed a chorizo burrito and braved the seismic activity in his bowels to tell the tale.
— Dolphins kicker Caleb Sturgis was hurt playing kickball. That’s how offseason we got up in here.