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“Food babies count, right?” might be the perfect LOLNFL ever.
there aren’t enough condoms in the world to protect yourself from the stank STDs Detroit would give you.
Detroit even declare bankruptcies on dudes sperm counts.
Excellent Scott Pilgrim reference.
You were once a Vegon, now you will.. be gone?
Food babies, my god. Once in Indiana I overheard a conversation between a man and an older woman who was somehow fat, but only fat in the lower abdomen area.
Man: So when are you due?
Woman: I’M NOT PREGNANT, YOU ASSHOLE!
(I swear to god, she looked like she was in her third trimester. Only in Indiana.)
Most people here in Indiana (at least an hour and a half out of Chicago) seems to be typical for ‘merica – mostly average weight, a good amount of fat people (mostly in their 40s-50s). But, holy shit, I’ve seen some incredibly fat people here. I think a liquid diet here means all gravy diet.
Also, I don’t even want to know how fat people in the deep South (Mississippi) are
Unless a woman has on a shirt that says “this is is a baby” with an arrow pointing down, never ever ask her when she’s due.
Indianiana leeds the leegue in gravy babys no offence
This, a million times.
And even if she is clearly pregnant, you’re about to enter a minefield. Don’t tell her she looks like she’s having twins. Don’t tell her she looks like she’s due any day now. Just shut the fuck up.
And whatever you do, Jesus Christ, do not reach out to touch the belly unless you are specifically encouraged to do so.
Yeah, I waited until my neighbor (who’s small and thin) was about 8 months before I asked. And even prefaced it with “Ok, I’ve been afraid to say anything, but…I think it’s safe now, right?” Just a bad idea all around.
I can’t wait for when I’m pregnant so when the inevitable stranger does ask I can glare them down and say WHAT BABY?!?
This cautionary advise is even more relevant within sight of cutlery.
True story from my younger, dumber days – my wife, pregnant with our first child, was getting ready for her baby shower and was dressed in a long, purple dress. She asked how she looked and, without thinking, I responded, “You look like a sexy Grimace”.
Tears were shed and no sex was had that day. I could have used Otto’s advice back then.
Vontaze, saying things like “I can’t wait for when I’m pregnant” is not conducive to high levels of attendance at the SuperOrgy. Not all of us have had vasectomies. Just sayin’.
“In my next illusion I’m going to turn a lousy black quarterback into a slightly less lousy white quarterback!”
COACH COUGHLIN, I CALL HIM INDIANA JONES BECAUSE WHEREVER HE GOES, THERE’S DESTRUCTION, DANGER, AND MISERY.
Herm: WINNING IN THE PLAYOFFS FOR ME WAS LIKE OPENING THE ARK OF THE CONVENENANT
Anyone want to get mad today? No one? Well, screw you guys!
Yes, @Dan_Shaughnessy rocks: [t.co]— Peter King (@SI_PeterKing) December 18, 2013
Peter King today: Yes, @Dan_Shaughnessy rocks: [t.co]
Can’t wait for those Cleveland selfie fans to make their own fan video about how miserable they are! Those aren’t played out at all!
You wanna take that away from us too?
Nothing encapsulates the fan base of the Colts like a giant white space.
#6: “Oh, a little less than half of what’s in Christian Ponder’s, which is appropriate, because I also have a little less than half as many touchdowns as he does on the year, despite having only played in ONE GAME. I also have thirteen fewer turnovers and have made a significant contribution to a single victory, both of which put me statistically ahead of Ponder’s performance this year, and when called upon to play a role in the offense I was able to avoid being a complete waste of space, which is a trick that Ponder has yet to master. Of course, my greatest advantage over Ponder could simply be that at the end of the year I’ll be good for something more than being summarily disassembled and sold for spare parts to an evil scientist who’s attempting to construct a turnover-prone Frankenstein’s monster that can be stopped in its tracks, paralyzed and terrified, by confronting it with a base 4-3.
I’m sorry, what was your question?”
YOU TYPE TOO MUCH
What’s your point, sonny jim?
I miss the hover tags.