Make Your Own Damn Bracket: 64 Random NFL Items On eBay

Much to my chagrin this is the time of the year when every post is done in bracket form. You damn lazy writers, I don’t want to to fight over which is better, pumpkin pie or angel food cake. No one wins that fight and then you have to suffer six months of gloating out of the pumpkin pie mafia and secretly hope they all overdose on nutmeg and soon. Then someone accuses you of having the palate of a draft horse in a beer bracket. Then you end up agreeing with Simmons on “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose” over “My Mother The Car” and you hate when you agree with Simmons on anything, but especially when you have to login to Facebook to vote in that tourney. All of this of course is meant to distract from the uncomfortable fact that gamblers, adrenaline junkies and alumni are the ones who enjoy college basketball, because it sure isn’t for the game. Pro sports fans often get knocked for cheering for laundry, but at least it’s laundry we didn’t have to spend six figures on for the right to enjoy.

That being said, I’m a big fan of listicles and tchotchkes and there is no better excuse to bring them together than a bracket, but instead of wasting everyone’s time with multiple posts on what items made it through round by round (which we can all agree gets tiresome pretty quickly), here are 64 random items from eBay. Seed them how you want them and then pick your own damn winner.

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