Int. Owner’s Lounge at FedEx Field
[Mike Holmgren enters with his wife and daughter]
Jim Zorn: Attention everyone, if you’d please take a moment to welcome our guests of honor, Kathy and Calla Holmgren!
Jim Zorn: And hello to you, Coach. I’m so happy you could all make it here for this send-off.
Mike Holmgren: Hey it’s my pleasure, Jim. We can’t thank you enough for arranging this get-together.
Zorn: Oh it wasn’t me, you have Mr. Snyder to thank for that. I’m not sure why, but he sure seemed eager to get you here tonight.
Holmgren: Oh really? How…odd. So where is the little fella.
Zorn: He’ll be along…shortly.
[Both men enjoy a hearty laugh]
Holmgren: So why do you think he arranged all this?
Zorn: I’m not sure, but he sure seems eager to impress. He even catered the event based on your dietary needs.
Holmgren: You mean…
Zorn: That’s right, he must really like you. That smell you’ve undoubtedly noticed is a buffet fully stocked with bait fish.
Holmgren: [Slaps fins together and barks lustily]
Zorn: That’s right, follow your nose and you’ll find the food. It’s right over there behind Les Carpenter’s head.
[Mr. Snyder enters with Vinny Cerrato on his heels]
Snyder: Is he here?
Zorn: Yes sir, Coach Holmgren just arrived. He’s over at the buffet.
Snyder: Excellent, I knew he’d take the bait. If you’ll excuse me I’m going to have a chat with our guests.
[Snyder leaves to mingle, Cerrato stays behind]
Zorn: Shouldn’t you be going with him, Vinny?
Cerrato: Don’t you see what’s going on here?
Zorn: Excuse me?
Cerrato: Haven’t you stopped to wonder why Mr. Snyder was so eager to get Holmgren in the building?
Zorn: Mutual respect?
Cerrato: No you clod, he’s clearly courting the fat man.
Zorn: Courting him for what?
Cerrato: To take our jobs. Both of them!
Zorn: Ha. I think your imagination is getting the better of you once again, Vinny. Coach Holmgren is my mentor, if he was considering a return to the NFL I think I’d be the first to know.
Holmgren: [To Carpenter, and everyone else in the room] I WANT TO COME BACK TO THE NFL.
Zorn: Okay, fine. But he’d never come after my job.
Holmgren: [To Carpenter, and everyone else in the room] THIS PLACE IS NICE, AND THE FOOD IS GOOD. ARE THEY HIRING?
[Snyder and Holmgren adjourn to the owner’s private office]
Zorn: Fuck me.
Jason Campbell: Sucks to be you, bro.