More Down Home Wisdom From Terry Bradshaw

08.18.08 9 years ago 49 Comments

Once in a while, FOX’s Terry Bradshaw stops by our fair site to dispense his much-loved brand of folksy advice. Take it away, Terry.

You know, I’ve traveled all across this country, far and near. I’ve met lots of people, and hit my head on lots of things! And I’ve learned a whole lot meeting people out on the road, and wandering into their homes when I’m off my medication. For instance…

You know, my daddy always said that if the flag is up on your mailbox, that means storm’s a comin’!

Where I come from, it ain’t the size of the varmint, it’s how you season it!

You can always tell a bar is good if you can find a tooth on the ground!

Always keep your car lights on. That way, you can always find it!

You can always tell a quarterback’s thrown the ball if it’s in the air!

Ain’t nobody on earth funnier than Jim Varney.

Never, EVER try and swallow a bag of darts. And, if you DO, don’t call poison control. Apparently, darts don’t count as poison. Ain’t that somethin’?

The best way to catch a snake is if you wait till he’s dead!

Styrofoam is NOT for buildin’ houses. Boy, I learned that the hard way!

If you’re car engine is a-rattlin’, that means the cat done got in it again!

If you ever go to Colorado, you should know that you need boots to put on skis. They don’t tell you in advance! How ‘bout that?

My daddy always said you should NEVER look a woman in the eye when you’re about to hit her.

You can’t teach an old dog new positions.

Ain’t no buzz like the buzz that comes from drinking ink!

They say beauty is only skin deep. And by God, if you’ve ever skinned a person, you know that’s no lie!

The #1 cause of earthquakes is when heavyset people decide to try double dutch!

Where I come from, the best cure for a hangover is a mayonnaise enema!

My mamma always said if you got mud, you got yerself a party!

If you’re passing through Texarkana, Arkansas, and you need a place to stop and rest, head on over to Mabel Willoughby’s house. Tell Mabel Uncle Terry sent ya, then hand her a bucket of underwear. She’ll know what to do after that!

My daddy always said that if the full moon is out, that means Jesus is winkin’ at ya!

Here’s an old home remedy for HIV: Canned peaches!

Where I come from, if you don’t like somethin’, you set it on fire!

If you ever wake up in your car driving towards Flagstaff, and you don’t know how you got there, and there’s chicken blood all over your shirt, ain’t no turnin’ back after that!

You know a school is good if it’s got windows!

Thanks, Terry. More backwater wisdom from Terry to come!

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