The officials working this Sunday’s game between the Jets and Dolphins will use pink penalty flags as part of the awareness onslaught that is Cancertober. What is more remarkable about this than it being another example of pink creep into the game is that the idea came from an 11-year-old who wrote a letter to Roger Goodell.
Lest we spend the rest of the day considering the possibility of this story being manufactured by the league (“Roger Goodell personally reads your mail!” “He thinks kids are smart because they’re our future!”) we forced ourselves to think about what other ideas to improve the game that prepubescent kids might have.
All players get cool shades and jet packs and people win prizes for watching.
Adventure Time halftime show.
Santa Claus gets to throw coal at Eagles fans
More Cleatus because kids are stupid
Cooties awareness month
Points only awarded for signing autographs
Superheroes allowed to play, but secret identities kept off back of jerseys
Each team given two roster spots for ninjas.
No kicking in the nards
Participation trophies for everyone.
Freeze tag rules enforced
Measurements are hard. First downs awarded for cool plays and funny putdowns.