MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY FOOTBALL: WEEK 4

10.01.14 3 years ago 5 Comments

After the events of last week, we tried to get back on track with our terrible, terrible ESPN fantasy football league. Let’s see how it went!

RAPPvSTU

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David Rappoccio comes out of the gate strong by employing the time-honored technique of starting players who have byes. Despite all his efforts, however, something called a “Delanie Walker” had a surprisingly competent game. That said, StuScottBooyahs’s insatiable lust for winning once again proved to be his downfall, as he crushes his opponent even without the help of Calvin Johnson.

SUGARvsSPILLY

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Decent matchup here, and it may have been more interesting had Levine Toilolo had his fantasy value killed by being forced to play right tackle, since pretty much everyone on the Falcons got injured. Sugar’s Hoyers Guns And Money put up a decent fight here, led by terrible performances by LeSean McCoy and the Patriots’ defense, but Spilly pulls out the loss in the end, proving that you really do need a shitty quarterback to get ahead in this league.

JAMESvAPE

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Who fucking knew that there was so much talent coming out of FCS schools? To Old James’s chagrin, FCS or Less sweeps the floor with Christmas Ape’s The Thirst Is Real, thanks to a healthy dose of Fitzmagic.

PFTCvsFLACCO

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PFTC just refuses to lose, no matter how hard he tries. Starting 2 players on byes and a questionable Joique Bell wasn’t nearly enough to account for Antonio Brown’s massive game against Tampa Bay. Footsteps Flacco’s choice to start Derek Carr proved fruitful, as did his decision to start Zack Ertz, who I’m sure some idiots actually still start in their real leagues.

SANDYvsSPRAGUE

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Big Sandy takes the L here, despite starting the Chiefs’ defense, which, I mean, come on. Sloppy Roethlisberger and Andre Williams both turned in solid performances, as did Green Bay kicker Mason Crosby, digging Sarah into a hole her team couldn’t derp its way out of.

RFDvsRISK

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okay i’m starting to get the feeling that people might not be taking this entirely seriously

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