Our many months long national nightmare is over, football has returned. Well, unless you are one of those rare individuals who have been watching the CFL for a while now. No, the NFL has returned from an offseason fraught with saggy ball drama and firework mishaps. We shall finally have football, NFL football, gracing our televisions again. Sort of. Maybe if you count the Hall of Fame Game as football, which many do not. If you do, I hope you are pumped to watch real starters and players play real football for maybe two drives and then watch a bunch of nobodies you never heard of and players you thought died a long time ago flopping around for the final three quarters.
This year to celebrate the new Hall of Fame inductees we will be treated to the Pittsburgh Steelers playing the Minnesota Vikings. Things to look for: How many times the announcers talk about Adrian Peterson’s child abuse (take the over)? How will Teddy Bridgewater look starting his second season? Will Big Ben even know where he is (or who he is)? Will any of these starters even try before they get to go sit comfortably on the bench and we get to witness the incredible matchup of Shaun Hill vs. Bruce Gradkowski. We might even see Tajh Boyd show up. The biggest question of the game will be: How long can you last before you give up and turn on Netflix and re-watch Wet Hot American Summer?
So bust out the beer, grab the chips, and prepare for the NFL equivalent of Coke Zero.