No, No, No! You’re Doing It All Wrong!

06.13.08 10 years ago 21 Comments

Jesus Christ, Tiffany! How many times have we gone over this? You INTERLOCK your fingers, then pull them up so that ONLY the HEEL of your PALM is on the victim’s breastbone! Unless, of course, you think it’s a good idea to crush the ribs of someone who’s dying? Huh? They’re not using their lungs anyway, may as well puncture them with a splintered rib, right?

Yeah, you just keep being casual about it, Tiff. Do it the way you want. You always do. “Ooh, look at me, I’m pretty! Nobody ever tells me I’m wrong!”

Well I’ll tell you what, missy: you keep doing it that way, and your smile won’t be enough to bring little Mrs. Potts back to life after you detach her xyphoid process and it cuts her organs up so bad that she dies from internal bleeding before the heart attack can kill her. Believe me, when that happens, there isn’t a Korean woman in the world who can manicure the DEATH off your pretty little hands.

Oh, you’re gonna cry now? Sure, go ahead. I’m the bad guy.

(photo from PCB)

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