Obviously Colin Kaepernick Lost The Super Bowl Because He Didn’t Have Enough Tattoos

02.08.13 5 years ago 18 Comments

Yeah, that headline isn’t remotely true, but it’s fun to put a needlessly provocative spin on things. It makes me feel like I work for ESPN! Anyway, Colin Kaepernick’s tattoos were a big thing this past season, mostly because one old racist guy wrote stupid things about them. The world leaped to Kaep’s defense. Ultimately, it was clear that Kaepernick wasn’t ashamed of his ink because the trademark celebration he adopted involved kissing his own tattoos. Hooray! Rainbow stickers all around for self-esteem and acceptance!

The tatted-up inmates at San Quentin didn’t get to celebrate on Sunday since San Francisco lost, but if it’s any consolation, Kaepernick added to his body art this week following the Super Bowl. What did he add to tattoo collection? Mostly some tribal bullsh*t. It’s unfortunate that he went for douchebag boilerplate tattoo design, but, hey, it’s his body. If Colin Kaepernick had to add more tattoos, I wish he had included one of David Whitley just to immortalize the columnist’s incredible stupidity.

I do like the idea of Kaepernick adding more tattoos for every year that he’s in the league. By the time he retires, Kaep is going to look like a slightly darker, more pious version of this guy.

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