When last we left the Basho of Rock Center, Peter King, he was emptying out his “ideological saddlebag” with Peyton Manning’s new adventures in No-Huddleville. He also let us know that, minus the Schiano Factor, the Bucs would still be stuck with Kellen Winslow and would probably never win another game, ever. Finally, PK reminded us that Week 1 was Hines Ward’s first non-football football weekend of the past 27 years, because the world will surely never forget his 1985 season of elementary school football in suburban Atlanta. I know I won’t.
But what about this week? Is Peter King’s podcast more widely followed than the Super Bowl? One Welsh guy and his dog can’t be wrong! Is PK down with the cougs? There is one thing I can tell you he’s not down with and that’s cliches. Unless he is. READ ON.
Last week I thought the replacement officials were adequate.
Despite that fourth timeout the Seahawks received, which PK says because the Seahawks lost shouldn’t matter, unless it should.
Watching football Sunday, I felt like a passenger in a car going 20 miles an hour too fast on a mountain road with hairpin turns; we weren’t going to die, but it was going to be a dicey ride.
That… sounds incredibly fun. The scab refs are horrible, but way PK describes their performance doesn’t exactly make them come off as a threat to the game. Then again, condemning something as too fun is the worst insult a baseball fan can give.
The Philadelphia-Baltimore game, in particular, careened from one wild post-whistle scrum to the next, with no ejections; from one two-minute warning to another (there were two in the fourth quarter, one with 2:05 left in the game); and from one replay reversal to another (there were three reviews and two reversals), including the strangest and most illogical three-minute delay of the day.
Agreed. It was completely out of control. Both sides got away with a battery of borderline or downright dirty plays. Yet of course it’s the Ravens who are complaining about it afterward.
Roger Goodell added $1 million to the league’s offer to the officials 16 days ago, the last day of substantive talks between the regular officials and the league. Now each side has gone underground; the NFL has dug in, believing it’s made its final offer, and the officials have stopped returning phone calls (mine, at least) and emails, clearly figuring they have nothing to say except at the bargaining table. One officiating source told me Sunday there will be pressure this week from the rank-and-file to make one last push to try to get something else from the league, and then settle.
What do I think will happen? Roger Goodell, who thinks he’s given enough already (raises of about $50,000 per official over the life of a new contract, while converting to less lucrative pensions, which the league has done with the majority of its full-time employees), will stay dug in. If union leaders Scott Green and Jeff Triplette hear the siren song of their men, I think either this week or next, there will be renewed talks, and the deal will get done. But that’s if Green and Triplette give in, and I don’t know if they will. I sense Green is the hard-liner here. If he’s not willing to give in on the pension, the situation could last a while.
I’m truly shocked that Peter King would label the party going against Roger Goodell as the intransigent, disruptive force in a negotiation standoff. It’s hard to tell if it’s like Evoshield, an obvious lapse in ethics, or if PK truly believes that strongly in the almighty power of the Ginger Hammer. “Why do you continue to fight? You only kid yourself. Don’t you see the size of that man’s biceps? He’ll crush you as if you were nothing! What will your fight have been for, then?”
Whatever, Joe Flacco said the thing that made the most sense Sunday, and the only thing that’s regrettable is he was the losing quarterback in Philadelphia, so what he says can be seen as sour grapes. Flacco said of the NFL: “They talk about the integrity of the game, and I think this is along those lines. The fact that we don’t have the normal guys out there is pretty crazy.”
Yeah, I don’t with that statement. It’s the guys complaining that the other team was being dirty because they knew the refs weren’t going to call them. There were widespread examples of that happening throughout the league on Sunday. Trying to single the other guys for it is just a shitty thing to do when you know your teammates are getting away with just as much.
Now on with the rest of Week 2.
Coughlin’s right. Schiano’s wrong. I agree with playing to the final gun. No problem. But when one team is holding up the white flag, with a quarterback in full kneel-down mode, it’s a mistake to pig-pile on him. There’s a 1-in-1,000 chance the defense can jar the ball loose before the quarterback kneels and the whistle blows, but more likely what results is the risk of injury, on both sides of the ball. No question in my mind that if Schiano keeps trying to wreck victory formations, his own players will pay for it — and maybe in the form of retribution from vengeful players in the future.
Yes, players who are just upset that they don’t have what it takes that make it on Greg Schiano’s intrepid gang of knee divers. If only they worked harder, wanted it more, forced themselves into voluntary mini-camps, saw the opposition as prey ready to ripped through, considered clipping contenders a necessary means to an end and had a moral compass as defined by their head coach, then maybe – just MAYBE – they could pass muster with the Schiano Factor.
And kudos to you, Andrew Luck. RGIII last week, Luck this week, with a 20-of-31, 224-yard, two-touchdown, zero-turnover day. “
Kudos, but Indianapolis still wants their rebuilt android battleship back.
Has the balance of power shifted West? After tonight, when the 1-0 Broncos and 1-0 Falcons meet, there will be a nice symmetrical breakdown in the NFL standings, barring a tie in the Georgia Dome:
Teams with 2-0 records: 6.
Teams with 1-1 records: 20.
Teams with 0-2 records: 6. There’s only one 0-2 team in the NFC — New Orleans.
Symmetrical distributions of records through two whole games? WEIRD.
For the record, there have been only two of 46 Super Bowls featuring both teams from the Mountain and Pacific time zones: San Francisco over Denver in 1990, San Francisco over San Diego in 1995.
If it’s a California Super Bowl rematch from the Niners-Chargers of 18 years ago, I doubt it will be the same kind of game as it was then, when Steve Young set the Super Bowl record with six touchdown passes. San Francisco has the NFC’s best defense, and San Diego has played great defense through the first two weeks. A quick look at the three teams in the West that have started 2-0:
Just so’s you know, if the Chargers and the 49ers make it to the Super Bowl this year, the 1994 rosters won’t be taking part. Possibly because a lot of those Chargers players are dead now.
The Chargers have held Darren McFadden and Chris Johnson, two threats to win the rushing title, to 49 yards in 23 carries
Yes, because if there’s anything Chris Johnson showed during his 11-carry, four-yard performance against the Patriots in Week 1, he is a shoo-in for the running title this season.
The 49ers and Houston have distanced themselves from the pack in the first two weeks. They’re the best teams in football.
I’ll give you the Niners. And, yeah, the Texans have mauled the Dolphins and Jaguars, but you might want to wait until they’ve played a halfway decent team before pronouncing them worldbeaters.
Don’t forget one of the plays of the week, just because it’s four days old.
It was 4th-and-26. Green Bay was in field goal range. The chances of getting a touchdown on a 4th-and-26 fake field goal would be what? Ten percent? Five?
Certainly not LEGIT percent. What’s a non-legit percent? Seven? No, that’s too lucky a number. Doesn’t give you a full sense of the odds. Creates the sense of possibility. There was not that here. The Packers just said, “Let’s do it. Don’t tell me the odds. Those aren’t legit.”
Dave Toub coaches the Chicago special teams and is far and away one of the smartest and most opportunistic special teams coaches in the league. His special teams have blocked more kicks and punts (22) in the nine years since he’s been in Chicago than any other team in the league. If you’re a good fan, you know Dave Toub. But before Thursday night, when the NFL Network’s Mike Mayock and Brad Nessler started talking up Shawn (son of R.C.) Slocum, be honest: You had no idea who the Packers special teams coordinator was. You do now. That was one well-coached play.
Be honest, readers: You only came here to find out which players Derek Jeter has more home runs than and how much Peter King likes his alma mater’s starting quarterback. Let’s just be real with one another. PK knows you don’t actually know anything about football. Why kid ourselves?
1. San Francisco (2-0). Alex Smith, year eight. And aren’t you Niner fans very happy this morning he wasn’t thrown out with the trash on any of about 68 autumn Monday mornings in the previous seven years?
Back him up here, Niners fans. Wasn’t six years of anemic offense and repeated failure worth it for this epic game managering that Alex Smith does?
4. Denver (1-0). Peyton Manning likes domes. Tonight is Manning’s only dome game of the year. For that and several other reasons, I think the Falcons are in trouble.
You might think the game will be played in Atlanta. In reality, it will be in downtown No-Huddleville, a speedier version of Wichita.
8. Atlanta (1-0). Brent Grimes missing the final 15 games will ultimately doom this team, unless Matt Ryan channels his inner Peyton. Weekly.
Presumably inner Peyton would just keep throwing it to Julio Jones, because that tends to work out all right.
15. New York Giants (1-1). There was a nine-way tie for 15th. I don’t know
Peter King tie-breaking procedure:
1. Team with more anonymity in training camp
2. Team with most architects
3. More citrus beers consumed, head-to-head
4. Most smiles at common opponents
5. I DON’T KNOW
Offensive Players of the Week
Reggie Bush, RB, Miami. I remember chortling in the preseason when Bush said his goal was to lead the league in rushing. Who’s chortling now?
Overweight English toffs, because who the fuck else chortles?
Special Teams Players of the Week
Matthew Mulligan, TE, St. Louis. On a day with two jillionaire quarterbacks dueling at the Bob Jones Dome, a backup tight end born in Bangor, Maine, and raised in Enfield, Maine, and high-schooled in Howland, Maine (and should I mention he went to the University of Maine, in Orono, Maine?) was the late star of the show. Mulligan blocked a Sav Rocca punt near the end of the third quarter of a tight game, and St. Louis recovered at the Washington 24. Four plays later, Mulligan worked his way through the line at the Washington one and caught the game-winning touchdown pass in a 31-28 Rams victory.
On a day with jillionaire glory boys me-firsting their way into the headlines, it was a scrapper from the back woods of a quiet New England state who proved to have the heart most true. It was then he returned to the wilderness of Maine, not desiring the spotlight, never to be heard of again.
Coaches of the Week
Norv Turner, head coach, San Diego. This is Turner’s 15th season as a head coach. It is also his first 2-0 start. Anyone else find that amazing?
Not in the least.
Quote of the Week I
“I don’t know if that’s not something that’s done in the National Football League, but what I do with our football team is we fight until they tell us the game is over. There’s nothing dirty about it. There’s nothing illegal about it. We crowd the ball. It’s like a sneak defense and we try to knock it loose. If they watch Rutgers, they would know, that’s what we do at the end of the game. We’re not going to quit. That’s just the way I coach and teach our players. Some people were upset about it. I don’t have any hesitation. That’s the way we play: clean, hard football until they tell us the game is over.”
— Tampa Bay coach Greg Schiano, on coaching his player to smash into the Giants’ victory formation at the end of the game Sunday. Giants coach Tom Coughlin was enraged by it.
“I don’t know how you do things, but if someone serves me the wrong type of pasta, I elbow that man in the temple. It’s not wrong. It’s not disturbing. You can’t press charges for that. We demand certain food. If you served us, you’d know that. That’s what we do. We are exacting because there is so much demanded of us. My men learn a lot by dragging lifeless bodies of waiters. Really, they do.”
Quote of the Week II
“I don’t know. He must like the cougs.”
— Green Bay linebacker Clay Matthews, on the relationship between 25-year-old Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez and 37-year-old actress Eva Longoria, on “The Dan Patrick Show.”
“Shaaaa, brah, that’s just what he’s into? Me? Steroids wiped out my sex drive. Now I just get boners for death.”
Quote of the Week III
“I bought a pair of Uggs, to be just like him.”
— Arizona wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald, on Tom Brady, who is an ad man for the Australian furry footwear company.
Fitty: Troll Apprentice
Stat of the Week
One of the reasons there’s such a stalemate between the NFL and the regular officials is the pension. Many of you have asked what that means. According to attorney Mike Arnold, who represents the officials, the NFL contributed $5.3 million to the officials’ pension system in 2011, and planned to reduce that number to $2 million in 2012 under the current league bargaining proposal.
Under those numbers, the NFL contributed $44,167 per man to the 120 officials’ pensions in 2011, and would contribute $16,667 per man in 2012. That’s a difference of $27,500 per man.
“When we were hired,” said referee Scott Green, a member of the officials’ negotiating team, “we were told, ‘Here’s what the compensation is, and here’s what the pension is.’ We don’t think it’s fair to have such a major give-back without being able to negotiate that at all.”
That’s the biggest under-the-radar reason we’re entering day 16 of no substantive talks between the officials and the league.
The biggest under-the-radar reason is that Scott Green is a total fucking hardliner because he just wants the things that the referees were previously agreed-upon by the league. WHAT A FUCKING STONEWALLING PRICK!
Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me II
Now batting first for the Natick Knights of the Boston Men’s Senior Baseball League, playing second base, No. 22, Doug Flutie.
Hey…uh…I wonder that if … uh… while playing in this senior baseball league, whether Doug Flutie is…uh…wearing his jersey number from Boston College, because that’s totally not a random thing I would worry about when reading that line.
(And you thought he’d be some other number?)
WHOA. How’d you know? PK defines clairvoyance.
This is a 30-and-over league. Doug Flutie is 49. I asked him why he stopped by the field at 4, and then went back a couple of hours later with the drying agent, to make sure the 10 a.m. game would be played.
“I enjoy playing,” he said. “And I don’t want the game to be canceled.”
“That’s me in a nutshell,” he said. “Not trying to prove anything to anybody. Just out there having fun.”
“That’s just me in a nutshell. I have a hobby. Isn’t that fascinating?”
Tweet of the Week I
“#CBS. Can’t Beat Stanford!!”
— @TigerWoods, after the Cardinal beat USC for the fourth straight season.
Tiger Wood would write a tweet the way a network flunky does when he passes out signs to dipshit fans at games.
Tweet of the Week II
“Namath says that Tebow can’t play QB for the Jets. With 220 career picks, and a 65.5 career QB rating, there were times Joe couldn’t either.”
— @JetsWhispers, 16-year-vet Jets beat man Dan Leberfeld, on Joe Namath’s view that Tim Tebow should not be groomed as the team’s quarterback.
Touche. On the other hand: different era and Namath was a HOF poon hound, and Tebow would morally object to carrying his jock strap.
Tweet of the Week III
“NYC’s new sugary drink policy is the single biggest step any gov’t has taken to curb obesity. It will help save lives.”
— @MikeBloomberg, the mayor of New York City, after the city’s Board of Health passed an ordinance banning the sale of soft drinks containing sugar larger than 16 ounces at restaurants and movie theaters, and by street vendors.
The health department, which voted 8-0 to approve Bloomberg’s proposal, estimated that 5,000 city residents die each year from obesity-related causes, and said the explosion of giant soft drinks containing sugar had became a major contributor to children getting fat. One board member, Joel Forman, told the New York Times, “I can’t imagine the board not acting on another problem that is killing 5,000 people per year.”
Neither can I.
Surely there is no other way to become obese other than drinking sugary sodas.
/downs case of Allagash, chased with two triple grande larduccinos.
Ten Things I Think I Think
1. I think Bill Belichick paid proper homage to Larry Fitzgerald the other day, saying he might go down as the best ever before he’s finished playing. Not saying he will or he won’t, but I’ll make the point I talked with Fitzgerald about on my first podcast of the season a couple of weeks ago: Fitzgerald is 29. He’s been very healthy. He wants to play a long time. On Sunday in Foxboro, he was held to one catch for four yards, giving him 698 for his career — 851 behind Jerry Rice’s 1,549. If anything holds Fitzgerald back, it will probably be the quarterbacking inconsistency a player like Rice never had to deal with in his prime.
“Just between you and me, I only included this nugget to demonstrate that I talked to Larry Fitzgerald. ME! He confided in me his innermost thoughts and desires. But I told him the ugly truth about his life, how other people will keep him from realizing his potential. You know what he said? Well I do because HE SAID IT TO MEEEEEEEE!”
I think the Chicago offensive line — and the Bears trotting out many of the same characters on it week after week, year after year — defines the great Albert Einstein quote: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Football fans who watched the Bears the other night had to wonder, “When are these idiots going to do major surgery on that offensive line?”
The Bears line defines Albert Einstein’s definitive quotes.
There is no question in my mind that Emery felt Jeffrey was the kind of jewel he couldn’t pass up, especially in comparison to the second level of the tackle class — guys like Mike Adams and Bobby Massie. That doesn’t make what you’re feeling any better this morning, however, Bear fans.
Well, considering you just faulted Mike Adams for looking like dogshit against the Broncos last week, Bears fans should at least be happy that got a receiver who has showed some promise instead of a trouble tackle who can’t get a hand on a pass rusher.
3. I think David Shaw of Stanford is the leader in the clubhouse for the hottest NFL coaching candidate from college football come January.
He’s the next Harbaugh! Quick, see if he can bite through this log with rageteeth.
f. The headline and lead from ProFootballTalk.com’s Michael David Smith after former Bucs offensive lineman Ian Beckles was busted Friday night for improper touching of a police horse (apparently while intoxicated). The headline: “Ex-NFL player Ian Beckles arrested in altercation with police horse.” The lead: “In what is believed to be the first case of ex-NFL lineman-on-horse crime since Alex Karras in Blazing Saddles,’ touching a police horse got former NFL player and current sports talk radio host Ian Beckles arrested.” Fine work, Mr. Smith.
Good job referencing a movie that Peter King has seen, MDS
g. Good job by the Patriots, inducting Troy Brown in the team’s Hall of Fame. He was Wes Welker before New England dealt for Wes Welker — Brown in 2000-02: 281 receptions — and he went on to be a legitimate nickel corner for Bill Belichick. One of Belichick’s favorite players ever, and that is saying something.
Just as the first human came from Africa, so too did the original GRITSTAH. But then the GRISTAH developed white skin and Patriots fans asked the original to go back to Africa.
h. Jacoby Jones, with a perfect move on Nnamdi Asomugha, and a well-lofted throw by Flacco. That’s the way to throw a touchdown pass right there.
There are a multitude of ways to throw a touchdown pass, each worth the same amount of points.
o. A good comeback day for Brandon Weeden, the worst of the rookie QB starters last week. In Cincinnati, he was an efficient 26 of 37 for 322 yards, with no turnovers. Pat Shurmur will take that game every week.
That’s nice. STILL OL’ DOOPY PANTZ TO ME!
r. Good scoop, Chris Mortensen, with the story of the NFL yanking the side judge off the Saints-Panthers game Sunday because he was a Saints fan. As I said on NBC Sunday night, NFL VP Ray Anderson told me official Brian Strapolo “will still be an official for us. He just won’t be assigned to a Saints game from now on.”
He will be horrible without bias!
g. “There is no love lost between these teams.” Keep hearing that. Stop the cliché madness, announcers.
Well, well, well if that isn’t like the pot saying the kettle is full of coffee-flavored water.
Good point, though. That line defines cliche madness. If this were Clicheville, it would be the belly of the beast. Nerves would be frayed and shots might ring out. As a madness, cliche madness is a black mark on the language. Name five things worse than cliche madness. You can’t. in other news, David Shaw in the leader in the clubhouse of people worth making sports cliches about.
h. The phantom pass interference call late in Jets-Steelers on Ike Taylor. I mean, there were so many shaky calls Sunday. This one was one of the worst.
As hilarious as it can be to watch the officials make a joke of games involving teams you don’t root for, it is truly maddening for your team to be the victim of one of these officiating derps. I don’t say this to complain that the Steelers got a bad shake on Sunday. Quite the contrary. They had plenty of bad calls go their way. Ryan Clark got away with pass interference on a deep throw to Stephen Hill. Pittsburgh won at least one challenge it shouldn’t have. The scab refs are the best reason to watch a game devoid of rooting interests, because otherwise you will be furious. But if you don’t care about the outcome or are watching two teams you hate, it’s kind of awesome. HAHAHAHA, THEY GOT SCREWED LIKE EIGHT TIMES THIS GAME! THEY’RE SO MAD!
j. Kansas City at New Orleans next Sunday. Someone’s going to be 0-3 after that one — someone whose season will be over in September.
Just as it was for the ’92 Chargers and ’95 Lions.
But for real though, if the Chiefs lose, they’re fucked. The Saints kind of have an excuse.
7. I think we’re seeing an early emphasis on offensive tight ends, and how to cover them, in the season’s first two weeks. Dennis Pitta of the Ravens could be the latest tight end to emerge as a star.
@xmasape Peter King sez on PTI “nobody knows who Dennis Pitta” is. He’s owned in over 1 million Yahoo fantasy leagues.
— Alexander Chester (@achester99) September 13, 2012
10. I think these are my non-NFL thoughts of the week:
a. I want to be Chris Matthews when I grow up.
Does he not write a football column? I support this.
c. If you grew up in Connecticut, which I did, you understand the affection for Jim Calhoun, even though he had a good bit of horse’s ass in him. Nobody in Connecticut ever won anything big in sports. I mean, there never was anything big in sports until Calhoun copped national titles at UConn. So Godspeed into retirement, Jim Calhoun.
Sure, he was a cheating asshole, but he was OUR cheating asshole.
d. Schedule Oddity of 2013: Yankees play at the Red Sox nine times in 58 days next year, and never until after the All-Star break.
So there’s a better chance that the world will be too distracted by football to give a shit? Or rather, to be TOLD that the world should give a shit? Nice.
e. Having spent five baseball seasons in Cincinnati, a hotbed of National League tradition, I think it sure will be strange to see an American League team, the Angels, open the season in Cincinnati on the first day of the season next April.
God, I’m so happy I’m not a baseball fan. “Non-conference game?! In April?! My word, whatever will Yogu Berra say of this!?”
I’m also pretty sure no one in Cincinnati will actually give a shit whether the Reds open against an NL or an AL team.
g. Derek Jeter, 38, has more hits than Willie Mays, more singles than Honus Wagner, more doubles than Babe Ruth, more triples than Kirby Puckett, more home runs than Joe Torre.
And more home runs than Mickey Tettleton AND Roberto Clemente! Interesting! Weird!
Not that I give a shit, but I really have no idea what the deal is with PK’s recent stats boner for Jeter. It’s been life five weeks straight. Since the Sox suck, is he just starting to root for the Yankees now? Would that even make him any more of an embarrassment to Red Sox fans?
i. Anybody see the Ben Zobrist-to-Ryan Roberts-to-
m. Did Erin Andrews really say, at 8:15 Pacific Time on a Saturday night, after Stanford stunned USC at Stanford, that the overjoyed and partying-hard Cardinal students wouldn’t be attending classes tomorrow? I should hope not, unless class was held in the chapel.
And if they are, BOY HOWDY those are some upstanding FUTURE SCHIANOITES!
n. Coffeenerdness: I know I’m way too partial to Starbucks Italian Roast, but trust me on this one. Without two huge cups this morning between 3 and 7:30, this column would be 1,000 words shorter and much less brilliant.
So Starbucks is responsible for 5 percent of MMQB’s length but a LEGIT PERCENT of its perceived loftiness.
That reveals a lot about the MMQB process. First, Peter King plops down and trudges through his overwritten football commentary half-asleep, which helps explain the lack of accuracy or insight. But then, when he gets to travel bitching and baseball talk, he wants to experience it. You starts mainlining Starbucks until he can feel the words hit the page. FUCK YEAH, VEEP, I LOVE THE SHIT OUT YOU! I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE!
o. Beernerdness: A trip up to South Windsor, Conn., to see my niece Laila run cross-country for the South Windsor Bobcats (go Laila!) allowed me to try a Hartford beer, which I believe is a first: City Steam Blonde on Blonde Pale Ale. And may I say, wow, that is one bitter beer — but in a good way. A very good pale ale, brewed about 18 miles from my boyhood home. Good job, City Steam.
And they named it after a Bob Dylan album. Good job, Bob Dylan!
p. Mark Twain once said the best thing about writing is having written. I believe the best thing about running is having run.
The best thing about drinking is being drunk.
/MMQB responsible for LEGIT PERCENT of Ape’s alcohol problem.
r. Amazed at the reach of my SI NFL podcast. In the past week, I’ve heard from people in six countries (that I know of) saying they were listening to Greg Schiano, Mike Mayock and Dan Pompei in the last week. Got a direct message on Twitter from a Llyr Gravell in Wales Sunday, saying he’d listened while walking his dog on a beach in Wales. What a world.
Are you not OVERWHELMED by the level of importance and access that Peter King possesses? Well you should be! Some welsh guy listened to him with his dog! That means something!
Denver 33, Atlanta 24. I think back to the 2008 NFL Scouting Combine, in Indianapolis, on a Saturday night around 11, and Matt Ryan shows up for an interview with me in a gray suit, light blue Oxford shirt and dress shoes, and I think: Never seen anyone who reminded me so much of Peyton Manning.
That’ll help tonight, but unless he can cover too, and defend against Peyton Manning, I don’t think he can do enough, even at home, to beat the great Manning.
Nice try, Matt Ryan, but you can’t out-Peyton Peyton. No, don’t do that your neck. That won’t help you be more like him! Matt Ryan! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Adieu Haiku
A haiku? It’s all the shittiness of Gregg Easterbrook and Peter King in one package! Thanks for the brilliance nugget, Starbucks.
It’s gone far enough,
games with replacement zebras.
Please: Don’t make us beg.
I don’t know I think I think
This defines Haiku