“If you experience an erection lasting over 4 hours, you might be Jon Gruden watching Brady verse Manning.”
As one of our leading founding fathers and least-racist slave-owning US President, Thomas Jefferson was years ahead of his time. But one thign that old TJ never could of predicted is that heterosexual American men would be discriminated against so fiercley that they would need supplemental help acheiving and maintaining erections.
And let me tell you folks, I know the importance of remaining upright in the pocket both on the gridiron and in the bedroom. The NFL is going to start cracking down on players for flopping,, but women have been holding it against guys for years,, am I right fellas? (LOL) Some people say that when your in your 30s and 40s, having sex is like trying to shoot pool with a rope, I say its like trying to put your foot in the ground when its connected to Marcus Lattimores knee.
Anyway you slice it- sex just dosent work right unless you have a erection. (citation needed) So when I saw that Alex Jones ,my personal hero and freedom-fighter, had developed his own Viagra replacement formula, I knew I had to literaly jump on it. Finally a product for ME, a true patriot who believes that no erections should ever collapse in a matter of seconds whether it be in your trousers or WTC building 7.
If your not familiar with Mr. Jones let me introduce you to him right here- this is a mans mans man. He spends all his days and night fighting verse the New World Order which is a technical term for people who are in power and your not. I love Alex’s passion. Just watch him here talk about 9/11 being a inside job and the US goverment wanting to kill us all.:
Ironic that a guy whose got his head screwed on so straight needs a sexual performance enhancer to screw it in straight IMO. Thats just a little joke humor to lighten the mood.
And at $60 that you only need to spend twice a month for this male potentsy formula its a steal. But dont take my word for it, here’s what Alex himself the infowarrior had to say about it.
“When I spoke to Dr. Edward Group about formulating a male vitality formula, I was excited about the idea of what it could do for me. Folks, let me tell you, this product works so well for me that I actually had to stop taking it before I go on air or else I would want to do hours and hours of overdrive with complete focus on the topics at hand.
So this product is a parently so potent that it made Alex Jones, a man who firmly believes during his normal life that the Sandy Hook elemntery shooting was a flase flag that was set up by the US goverment to take away all of everyones guns, sound like such a lunatic when he used it that he had to take a step back and think “woah maybe I need to chill out with this stuff.”
Folks sign me up.
Lets get this out of the way straight of the bat: I dont need Viagra you can ask anyone. Never been a problem for me. If any thing I get boners to much.
Here are some examples of things that have been known to give me erections in the past-
- Eating a sandwich to fast
- watching Ben Roethlisberger extend plays
- FullBack dives on 3rd and 4.
- a military flyover during the national anthem
- grabbing girls butts when they go crowdsurfing at radiostation festivals
In otherwords,, Im a normal American male. But if Super Male Vitality is good enough for Alex, than its good enough for me.
So whats in this formula any ways?
This serum contans numerous “vigorous” plants herbs and chemcals. What does that mean? Are they hard-working plants? Can you put them inside a lunhcpail? Who knows, but as long as it delivers at padlevel I dont really care and niether should anyone.
WARNING: It does contain’s a number of elements that my bodys not technically use to , per say. So let me say that if your going to get grossed out by a few “chemtrails” in your pants, this might not be the product for you. I would never want to visit with a lady who spends all her time downstairs snooping around your backdoor anyways.
So I ordered it and waited. I was literaly on the edge of my seat but thats only because I sit in chairs backwards like a cool adult and my anticipaton boner made me back up to avoid squishage. It finally arived and it came with all sorts’ve goodies:
This is basicaly the contents of Pete Carrolls medicine cabinet right here folks. I couldnt wait to get started.
The next day I woke up and took double the recommended dosage. Im a hard worker and dont have to worry about this fertilty treatment making me fail drug tests no offence to Robert Mathis.
So, yes I woke up, took the serum and had boners. So what? The NFLs a grown mans league and Im a grown man fan. Real men walk around with erections like all day. Brett Farve had a boner 24/7 and no one ever knew. So just because I was operating at padlevel didnt necessarily mean it was working. It was time for the real test to see just how good this product was. You know how you allways see motor oils being tested in commercials at a desert dune buggy race in 150 degree weather with fire-engulfed posinous frogs climbing into the carburetor? Well just like those ads, I needed to test this product in the harshest enviroment possible.
Its easy for me to get a wood-ridden ding-dong in my day-to-day activitys like doing hella bicepcurls and just kindve standing behind the squat rack watching the girls at the gym. Its another thing to go full tentpole under the least boner enticing conditons known to man:
Can Alex Joneses SuperMale Vitality Formula give me (a straight heterosexual man) a boner while waching Micahel Sam and his boyfriend kiss over and over and over again on repeat?
Although I didnt really care that Mike Sam kissed his boyfriend on TV, I did file a FCC complaint verse ESPN for showing it. So I took another dose of SuperMale Vitality and put on a vine of the two men kissing on my computer to give it the most Ultimate test possible. Then I waited. If this formula is as good as it says it will do its job and will of made a belever out of me (Im straight ICYMI. Ive been very consistent on this in every column Ive written. Check your facts)
After the first 5 minutes- nothing. My privates were responding exactly how Ive conditioned them to- to think that guys kissing is Gay.
10 mins- still nothing. except I thought about what if just Michael Sam was Michelle Beadle and I was the other guy but to be fair I spend a great deal of my free time thinking about that exact thing. Still nothing happening in my shorts. Im so straight.
20 mins- of nonstop filmstudy of Mike Sam and his bff kissing and putting cake on each other,, something started to happen… I was very distrubed to say the leased but I was also proud of myself for being so tolerent and open-minded.
If this product can make ME,, a redblooded American NFL fan get a erection from the Michael Sam incident, then I can tell you it is a truly Elite product. Plus now Ive got a great excuse when the PC Police accuse me of being a homophobic. Instead’ve saying “I have Gay friends” I can say “I’m not homophobic, Ive gotten a boner while watching a 7th round pick kiss a guy while I was using Infowars Viagra.”
I had to discontinue use of this product because I developed a sevrere rash.*
So if your tired of your erections collapsing like theres thermite inside them you should try Supermale Vitality its almost like there are actual steel beams inside doing their job and keeping things upright no matter how hot the fire in your loins burns. This is ironic because I suppose you could call my weiner a real “box cutter’ now that Ive got this medicine, no offense.
I give it a overall rating of 9/11. A Elite product, IMO.
*-To be fair that could of been poson ivy from when I fell off my bike but Im not taking any chances.