No matter what you think of the city – be it awful or the Brooklyn of the West or both – it doesn’t deserve the current sports mess it’s currently wading through. Having already lost the Warriors to the tech bros across the Bay, the city has been fighting with A’s to keep baseball in Oaktown. But given the O.o Coliseum is a big, concrete dump in desperate need of renovations, plagued by literal rivers of shit, it’s been a sore point in negotiations. The city wanted a waterfront stadium, the team wanted to move to San Jose. So it probably came as a relief to fans when the team and the city announced, hey, we worked it out. Sort of. There are still rumors the deal will fall apart and the A’s will flee to San Antonio or Montreal. But, for now, there’s a tentative agreement giving fans hope.
And this is where, like a giant, flying turd, the Raiders have come splashing down to remind everyone, “HEY, WE PLAY IN THIS SHITHOLE, TOO!” They’ve sent a memo to the Oakland mayor asking for the Coliseum to be burned to the ground and the ashes sent straight to hell like they deserve and a new stadium built on the current site. Which, okay, sure. The A’s and Raiders are the last MLB/NFL duo to share a stadium, meaning the Raiders get to play on baseball dirt. (And, if you’ve ever been to an A’s game, you can see the removable bleachers for football stacked up in one corner of the parking lot. Classy.) Owner Mark Davis is a little less biting and serpent like than his dad, and he’s going easy so far, saying he wants to stay in Oakland but, ya know, he’d move to team if it didn’t work out, most likely to L.A. Meanwhile, everyone knows Al would have just exploded the stadium while riding out of town on a centaur, flashing Goodell the double birds.
This all means that by 2017 we’ll be watching the Raiders playing in a Safeway parking lot while Al Davis’ ghost throws rocks at rich people in Berkeley.