Local media in San Diego is already clowning on Manti Te’o. The San Diego Union-Tribune cartoonist invoked a imaginary girlfriend joke after the team selected the linebacker in the second round. Of course, Te’o’s fake girlfriend is supposed to be dead. If you’re gonna mock him, do it right. He should be digging a furtive grave in the sand while saying that line. Do I have to do your job for you?
— Geno Smith fired his agent after the draft. You’ll never guess what trolling asswipe is taking this as confirmation that Geno is too fragile to handle the pressure of life playing for the NFL in New York.
— A monetary breakdown of Aaron Rodgers’ five-year, $110 million contract extension. Surprisingly, there are no incentives for sideline photobombs of teammates.
— Redskins’ sixth-round pick, safety Bacarri Rambo, once went by the name Goo Fudge as a youngster.
— Dan Snyder got snippy with someone at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner after-party for referring to Robert Griffin III as RGIII instead of his full name, in case you were wondering if there were anything that Danny couldn’t be a total cock about.
— Meanwhile, RGIII said he wants to make Cowboys Stadium feel like home for the Redskins. Better talk to the grounds crew about messing up the playing surface if you wanna make it seem more like FedEx Field.
— Chris Kluwe won a Webby award for his staunch support of same-sex marriage. Given that he thinks his advocacy of such causes cost him a job, probably somewhat bittersweet.
— Torrey Smith cut his hair. One less thing for Champ Bailey to grab onto when the receiver blows by him in the Week 1 rematch.
It’s mani-pedi day for Tony Romo. Gotta have soft hands to break in the ass of his new center. As for the pedi, hey, Romo can spring for that. He’s got new contract money.
— Dwight Freeney is now willing to be old and busted for less money.