The great Friday offseason tradition at KSK rears its pus-filled head yet again on this fine site. For those of you new to the program, it’s much like any other mock draft in which you’ve taken part. We, the editors of the site, make our picks. Then you pick. You wait ten picks, and you pick again. It sounds easy, but about 30 of you will screw it up.
Today we (and you) are drafting pieces of sports memorabilia that we (and you) would like to own. Here’s the drafting order of the editors, as determined at random each week:
2. Large Father Drew.
3. Christmas Ape.
5. Captain Caveman. I guess we’re still calling him that over here.
6. The Maj.
flubby kicks this sucker off and selects the famous T206 Honus Wagner card, many of which were destroyed because of Wagner’s stance against the tobacco company which manufactured them. This helped start two great traditions in America: fans trading baseball collectables, and tobacco firms getting really shitty PR.
Drew, fresh out of home confinement due to Snowmageddon, selects OJ Simpson’s knife, which was allegedly a 12-inch German stiletto blade designed to cut through soft wood and Jewish waitpersons. It was never recovered in time for the famous murder trial.
Christmas Ape selects Jackie Robinson’s original contract with the Brooklyn Dodgers.
I’m up. I’ll take the bat that Pete Rose used to get hit no. 4,192. I’ll also take Pittsburgh +2.5 tonight.
Resident Seahawks fan CC takes back what’s rightfully his, the Vince Lombardi trophy from Super Bowl XL.
Unsilent Majority takes two on the corner. Well, three, if you could both of Muhammad Ali’s gloves from the Thrilla in Manila and Black Betsy, the bat of Shoeless Joe Jackson. Wow, lots of baseball stuff going early here.
We go back to Uff, who really wants home plate from the 1995 ALDS. In Seattle, almost winning a pennant is really good, too!
Me again. I’ll take the Stanley Cup. It’s not like anybody’s using it for anything these days.
Ape takes Dan Snyder’s jet, “Redskins One.” If I bought that jet, I’d name it “Foreskins One.” Because I’m 12.
Drew asks for “Leather’s jacket,” which you won’t get at all if you haven’t read this.
And flub gets two on the corner, taking the WWE’s Million Dollar Belt and something a little less glitzy.
“I want the little sign says “100” that Wilt Chamberlain is holding in the picture from the night he scored 100 points. I don’t know if it’s particularly valuable, but it seems like a cool item. Especially when you consider that for such a singular, ass-kicking achievement, that no one has come close to in a half century, it was commemorated in the most rinky-dink fashion possible. Get that shit typeset, holmes.”
Drew finishes his draft with the rape stand from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz kennels.
And then Ape takes Roman Abramovich’s yacht. Because he owns a soccer team and that totally counts!
Figuring if Ape can take a yacht that has nothing to do with sports, I should be fine with Donte’ Stallworth’s Bentley.
Ufford drafts the Olympic flame. “It’d be nice to have in my apartment; I’d use it as my pilot light. And I’d be on the news when I loaned it out to the Games every two years.” This draft is officially off the rails.
And The Maj concludes our end of things with the drafting of Ted Williams’ frozen head.
Your turn now. You can do any worst than we did. Pick once. Wait ten picks. Pick again. Get to it.