The Jets square off against the Patriots on Sunday, which is an important game if they’re still entertaining fantasies of winning the AFC East. Nevertheless, the Jets are in the Wild Card hunt, so taking a win from their hated rivalries would be doubly sweet. With that in mind, Rex Ryan instructed his team to take it easy around the house this week so they’ll be fresh come Sunday. That means no household chores or other manly duties.
Of course, it being Rex Ryan, people assumed he was talking about the ol’ pussytubing.
“He was like, ‘Rest your legs, you go home, don’t do nothing for your wife,” newly signed kick returner Josh Cribbs said. “Say ‘baby, next week. I’m going to take out the trash next week. I’ll take the kids to practice next week because I got to rest for this game.’ I’m going to tell him to put it on paper so when I give it to my wife I’m like, ‘Hey, Rex said that I don’t have to take out the trash.’ He might get a call from my wife.”
Some interpreted that to mean Ryan was telling the team not to have sex this week. One reporter even told Cribbs he thought he was implying something else, and Cribbs replied, “you all are silly.” Later, Ryan clarified he was not telling his players to abstain.
“ARE YOU FOLKS SAYING I WOULD TELL MY PLAYERS TO HOLD OFF ON LAYING THE PIPE!? WHO DO I LOOK LIKE, DUNGY? THAT’S WHERE THEY DRAW ALL THEIR NATURAL KILLING POWERS FROM!”