FROM THE DESK OF ROGER GOODELL
June 1, 2015
These past few days have been trying times for soccer fans in America and elsewhere. As the investigation into FIFA continues, I am sad to say that my close, personal friend Sepp Blatter has chosen to recuse himself of his role as president of the organization. I am sure that he will continue to fight the good fight against corruption in the organization he loves. I salute him and view him as an inspiration. That is why I’m honored my close friend Blatter’s independent congress has appointed me, effective immediately, as the new president of FIFA.
As I said before, these past days have been trying times, and though Blatter was a friend, he was admittedly imperfect. Though he was committed whole-heartedly to stamping out corruption within his organization, he ultimately failed. Given my experience eradicating sexism, drug use, racism, and domestic violence from all corners of the NFL, soccer fans can look forward to a new pristine age of the beautiful game. I will do everything in my power to protect the sport of soccer, and by extension, FIFA.
Blatter did not realize, as I do, that people look to sport for moral guidance. This is why, effective immediately, I have established a group of highly ranking FIFA officials close to myself and to Blatter, as well as representatives from FIFA’s most trusted brands and advertisers to act as an independent council, separate from FIFA and immune to international law, able to dole out sanctions and punishments to any players suspect of tainting the sport we all hold so dear. As everyone knows, they are the face of the sport, and must be held accountable when FIFA makes mistakes.
Of course, I will remain the ultimate decision maker here at FIFA, continuing the great traditions and systems Blatter put into place, which is why I’m happy to announce that both the Qatar and Russia World Cups will be played as scheduled, with new intense oversight by the independent council to make sure the workers complete construction on time. I’m also happy to announce that new sponsors will be joining FIFA, and that to help bolster their position, TV time-outs and stoppages of play will be added to all internationally broadcast soccer matches to allow them to play commercials.
In conclusion, once again, I’m incredibly honored to take over for Sepp Blatter as president of FIFA. I can only hope that I live up to his legacy.