Screw playoff seeding; let’s talk about #BRANDS

12.28.14 3 years ago 12 Comments

You might think today’s Raiders at Broncos game will be a dull, one-sided affair. You might think, were you a Broncos fan in the Denver area, that there’s no reason to attend, because you’ll either see Brock Osweiler flail around in the fourth quarter in a blowout or see the Broncos lose what should be the easiest game of the year.

Consider this, friend.

What if they were to entice you with, say, #brands? You know, the wonderful, life-sustaining corporate slogans and symbols we align ourselves with to prove to others that our daily trudge through the meaningless quagmire of labor has born fruit? Why just attend a cold December game in team colors when you could also ADVERTISE an absolutely annoying earworm you’ve had drilled into your plebeian, downtrodden skulls for the last four months? What if you could have all this, FOR FREE?

WHAT IF THIS GARMENT HAD A PICTURE OF A SANDWICH ON IT????

Well, your tormented, sleepless nights wondering how you could boast about your choice of auto insurers are now blessedly over. BEHOLD:

Other rejected shirt slogans include:

♫ Love to wear my favorite #brands ♪
♪ I’m a pawn for Nationwide ♫
♫ Playoff time. Now Peyton’s bad ♪
♪ Somehow lost to Saint Louis ♫
♫ Jets will hire Del Rio ♪
♪ Peyton wins despite John Fox ♫

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