Simmons Pretends Like He Learned His Lesson, Tries Not to Jinx Pats

09.04.08 9 years ago 16 Comments

A huge KSK leitmotif from last year was sharing our anguish about the insufferable, unending homerism that spewed forth from Bill Simmons weekly during the Pats historic road to the bed in which they shit out five months worth of discharge that Belichick kept hermetically sealed in their buttholes. Exulting in the comeuppance of his wanton hubris was probably the most fun his column has been in years.

Though he’s not done being a douche (“The Pats are no fun if I don’t think they’re gonna win a title. I’d rather talk about the Red Sox and the Celtics, preferably the ’86 vintage”) he’s at least taking a humbler tack out of the gate (despite detailing how every team that has won a title since the Pats last one in ’04 has been the beneficiary of inordinate amounts of luck. [Tuck rule reference goes here]). Therefore, he’s knocking the Pats all the way down to conference runners-up, presumably hoping this will gin up some positive karma for his team and he won’t have to sell any more “cursed” black player jerseys on eBay. Will this modesty hold firm? Almost certainly not.

Just in case, the bounty on his hands is set at $10. Do what you must.

We’re not taking any chances here people.

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