Santonio Holmes watched as teammate Ben Roethlisberger was being tried in the court of public opinion for separate alleged cases of sexual assault, and thought to himself, “Man, I gotta get me some of that!” So ‘Tone the Pussy Monsta took his drink and winged it at the face of a girl who wouldn’t surrender her place on a nightclub couch, because that is some fine cushy leather underneath all the dried semen. At least that’s what the girl is saying. But according to this fellow I accosted on the street corner, “these triflin’ dog doo-doo bitches be trippin'” So I think that’s something we have to take into account when weighing the facts of this case.
Also: Joey Porter got busted over the weekend for a DUI AND assaulting an officer. That’s like an And-1 in retard criminalball. As well all know, Peezy was with the Steelers for a long time, so we’ll just attribute that little bit of wrongdoing to them as well. AFC Naughty Norf, son!