People are loving the Sex Cannon that is Rex Grossman these days. They can’t enough of his wild neck stubble, smug facial expressions (I heard Duke gave him an honorary degree), and devil-may-care passitude. The man is a menace. A sexy, large-cocked menace waiting to impregnate end zones with his massive deep balls.
But some people aren’t so amused. As the Bears try and put the division away this weekend against the Vikings, safety Darren Sharper has dared to accuse the Cumslinger of talking trash after throwing the winning touchdown in Minneapolis during the two teams’ first meeting back on Sep. 24. What was said shook Sharper’s foundations to the very core:
In 10 years in the league I haven’t had a quarterback do that any time to me, so we definitely remember that and the guys in the locker room remember that.
You hear that, Grossman? Football players don’t bother to remember things. But, in your case, they will make a notable exception. Even Grossman admitted he may have gone too far:
I probably said some things that I regret, but the whole game their DB’s were talking to me, just really getting under my skin a little bit and probably more than I should have allowed it to.
Now, there have been some pretty great trash talking QB’s in NFL history. The best, of course, was Ron Powlus (“This is our house! Apparently, I think I’m still in college even though this is the preseason and I’m playing mop-up for the Titans!”). But Grossman has now set the bar at a new level. What could he have said to make a veteran like Sharper so pissed off? Perhaps you commenters would like to chime in. Here are my ideas:
-“The dragon’s been unleashed! Taste my FIAHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
-“Sexy Rexy just kicked you outta bed.”
-“You just experienced another patented Sexy Rexy Throwgasm.”
-“Without Asante Samuel around, I can fucking do what I want.”
-“Not bad. Considering my intended target was Duluth.”
-“Go fuck your mother. Yeah, I said it. You just got Oedipus Rexed.”
-“Fifty years ago we’d have you hanging upside down with a fork in your ass!”
-“That one was for the motherfucking Rexettes!”
-“In Soviet Bear-Viking game, Rex rape and pillage you!”
-“Let’s see you throw a pass that pretty, Sharper. Oh wait, I forgot. You’re a fucking defensive back. You can’t throw shit. You’re just a receiver who can’t catch. Taste my jellied cum.”
-“You know the video for ‘Just’ by Radiohead? Yeah, well I know what the guy says at the end, you whore. He says, ‘Lie the fuck down.’ Which is what you bitches just did.”
Your ideas welcome.
Oh, and the Meast of the Week is Bart Scott of the Ravens.
This is for the Pittsburgh game, not last night’s Bengal loss. If Ray Lewis is God’s linebacker, then Bart Scott is Bob Mould’s linebacker. Because Bob Mould is better than God. Did God write “Celebrated Summer”? No, he did not. Suck it, God.
Sexy Rexy remains unimpressed either way.