Strahan Tapes Sis-In-Law, Makes Directorial Debut

07.17.06 11 years ago 12 Comments

This is really just your typical love story. Boy meets girl. Boy loves girl. Girl catches boy videotaping her sister undressing. Girl drags boy through nasty divorce proceeding for $7 million.

So he was “taping” his future sister-in-law. Wait, isn’t he supposed to be gay? I only hope it was a VHS tape, and not Beta, because that would just look bad. Anyway, Strahan had the camera hidden in an alarm clock in the guest room, where the “production” took place. According to the recent Post article, the tape was made two years BEFORE
they got married. I’m sure the tape is now an easter egg on the Strahan Wedding DVD, complete with director’s commentary.

MICHAEL: Mmm, mmm. damn, she’s looking so fine. I’m doing the wrong one.

TOM ARNOLD: Michael, I didn’t know you were down with the white meat!

MICHAEL: You better get that finger outta my face!

TOM: You said! You said!

(scuffling overheard)

MICHAEL: AAAHHHH, MY SHOULDER! (beep) (beep) PUNK!

So what else came out at this trial? Jean Strahan can’t seem to get the skeletons out of the closet fast enough. Those would include these titillating goodies such as:

Adultery, including taking “business trips” to tropical resorts with other women, the main business being to get some stinky on his hangdown. The Strahans had only twice had sex since the birth of their twin girls.

Beatings (yawn). I don’t understand why the Players’ Association hasn’t already worked spousal beatings into the League’s anti-trust agreement. I mean, the only people still surprised by these are the spouses.

Plastic Surgery…for him. Didn’t help.

Alleged Gayness. Well, except for the “alleged” part.

Leaving the toilet seat up.

As it turns out, HE filed for the divorce, it was reported, in part because she “did not like rap music.” You know shit is bad when other divorce lawyers are looking at this trial and saying, “Man, those bitches are crazy.”

Also worth mentioning; she is 41, he is 34. He married seven years OLDER? This guy is the anti-Chris Henry, never had a prayer. Why wouldn’t he go after someone with more of a new-wife smell? Couldn’t he spring for a later model? Maybe an import? She doesn’t have to be 20, but she should at LEAST recognize Matchbox 20. Jeez, I hope that tape was of her YOUNGER sister.

So she already has $7m of his, and she’s going after another $7m. That’s just in his assets. Then he will owe her alimony, and then child support for his twin girls, expected to exceed $1m per year. This being asked from a man who may not be able to perform his craft after a few more years. The judge has already said that he will lose his house, and soon he will lose his family. If anything is to be learned from this tragedy, hopefully it will be this:

Michael Strahan is totally so super-flamingly gay it’s not even funny.

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