Tonight we offer you, the KSK reader, the opportunity to get into our collective heads. If you’ve ever asked what it’s like to carry on a constant conversation with fellow bloggers while watching a crappy yet humorous game of Sunday Night Football then here’s your answer…
MMP: Sup, it’s MMP
UM: Chillin’, waiting for the Chinese food
MMP: Joe Gibbs having headset issues
MMP: Getting pizza here, chilling with We Must Protect This Hoff
UM: I just switched over to NBC, I was caught up in The Amazing Panda Adventure on Telemundo
MMP: NFC East is a jump ball, says Madden. The Redskins need to work on their power hitting, three-pt shooting, and their power play
MMP: I think the field is on fire
MMP: Those pandas are bad-ass!
MMP: He is the savior
MMP: I am making an effort to spell and punctuate correctly the first time. We’ll see how that lasts.
UM: Fuck thet shit
***The Redskins are ready for action, here’s your first play***
MMP: Portis drags half the Bengals for 8 yards. No one on D was arrested
UM: Clinton Portis cannot be stopped, or contained for that matter
UM: Dyno-mite. My Skins look sharp
MMP: They are crisp
UM: It’s the white on white uni’s…they’ve been using Mr. Sparkle.
MMP: Yeah, I don’t like the burgundy pants either.
***Captain Caveman has entered the chat***
***Brandon Lloyd lays out to catch an overthrown ball from Brunell***
CC: That Lloyd catch was the balls
UM: Brandon Lloyd may or may not be Superman.
MMP: hamster in the TP tube says thumbs down as well
UM: Seriously people, watch out for Mike Sellers, he’s an ex coke dealer who can carry a bus on his back.
***Brunell floats up a misguided pass and watches it fall into the hands of the defense. Clinton Portis makes a great tackle on the return but he took the worst of it.***
CC: I can’t believe they didn’t give us a replay of the shot Portis delivered there
UM: I know, fucking Peacock
CC: They’re definately working out kinks — what was up w/ that herky-jerk sideline shot?
UM: I think they’re smoking crack in the NBC production trailer
UM: If Brunnel throws off his back foot one more time I’m going to chop it off
MMP: Nice INT. Sweet ass hit on the return.
UM: If Portis is really hurt I’m going to jump off of a large building
***Cincy takes control on offense very briefly***
UM: The Skins defense swarms like ill-tempered bees
UM: I hope Boobie Miles is getting some cash out of this Friday Night Lights debacle
UM: Anthony Wright is going to end up smelling like Marcus Washington by the end of the night
UM: I can’t believe we’re less than a month away from Diddy’s kickoff concert…I can hardly contain myself
***New Redskins backup, Todd Collins, throws a screen pass into the line. Interception***
UM: FUCK THIS BULLSHIT…PUT JC IN THE GOD DAMN GAME!
CC: It takes a special kind of QB to throw an INT to a D-lineman, usually it’s just Aaron brooks
CC: Todd Collins, I think that’s a drink
UM: I’m fairly sure Todd Collins took the short bus to tonight’s game
UM: Wait a minute…Chris Henry just caught a pass, who let him out of lockdown?
CC: As long as the skins keep turning it over outside of FG range, this should be a pretty exciting scoreless tie
***Anthony Wright takes another pounding in the pocket***
UM: I think Anthony Wright just shit his pants…nice spin move from Marcus
MMP: It was like hitting the circle button in NHL ’05
***While trying to avoid a safety Collins throws another ball at his favorite lineman. The ruling is Intentional Grounding in the Endzone…2-0 to the ‘Nati***
UM: Todd Collins has driven me to drug use
CC: like he couldn’t decide between getting a safety or throwing another INT to a lineman
UM: Holy crap, he’s such a dipshit
UM: Well somebody had to score
CC: I desperately want this to be the final score
MMP: Todd Collins, Sour mix and bathtub gin?
CC: Skins should’ve signed KERRY Collins
UM: No way, we still have at least three
CC: I’m SO getting the fuck out of this chat before then
MMP: loving the Chad Johnson mohawk
UM: His head should be in a museum, it’s a work of art.
MMP: Hoff: he’s channeling Viscera and the gold grill
***Marvin Lewis cracks open the playbook with a perfect flea flicker to TJ Whosyourdaddy***
MMP: Flea flicker!!
UM: Trickeration from Anthony Wright?
CC: TJ and Berman just wet themselves
UM: Housh just got run down by a white boy…deceptive baby
MMP: His last name was weighing him down
CC: He’s tired from running from the police
CC: “Let’s got to Cris… what’s it like to not rate being the booth?”
UM: If there were a God in heaven he would send a lighting bolt to Cris Collinsworth’s microphone
CC: Cris has got a lot more volume in hair than last season — you think he changed shampoos?
MMP: His mousse budget got a boost, NBC put it in his deal
UM: His hair seems to be running full speed from his forehead
***Another Redskins player is down and he’s not getting up…can you say MCL?***
MMP: Is the game still going on?
UM: Ah fuck
CC: How long can it be 2nd and goal?
MMP: They’re trying the new 25-minute play clock…
UM: Clemons was wearing a cast before they even picked him up…bad news bears
CC: We’re on track for 8 Redskins injuries by the end of the game
***Chris Henry begins the redemption process by hauling in a touchdown from Wright***
UM: Now I’m pissed
MMP: Chris Henry
UM: CHRIS HENRY FOR MAYOR!!!
MMP: He has the right to score touchdowns, any play he makes will be used against his opponents
UM: do you think he crossed himself and gave props to Jesus after each arrest?
CC: First time he’s scored in the presence of adults since last season
MMP: I know it
CC: Did he change his # to 15 honor of his girlfriend?
MMP: 15 to life
MMP: Andrea Kremer looks like shit
UM: Andrea Kremer just looks annoying…I think she’s a wrinkly manequin
CC: took the words out of my mouth MMP
CC: Who did her hair?
UM: Josh Blue
CC: Robert Smith?
CC: The maggot-ridden corpse of Ray Charles?
UM: Nice handoff Todd, next time he throws a pass i bet it gets picked off by Marvin Lewis
***Peyton Manning debuts his new commercial…no words…should have sent a poet***
CC : I’m looking forward to 5 months of this commercialâ€¦ and I’m not kidding
CC: Straight off the set of the Beasties’ Sabotage video
UM: I bet his boyfriend hates it
UM: Dan Snyder has an oak lined closet for all of his burgundy and gold neckties
CC: Ron Burgundy neckties? Does it smell of mahogany?
UM: No, Mugatu neckties…piano keys baby!
CC: I invented over-spending for aging free agents!!!
UM: I’d die for The Danâ€¦figuratively
***A potential second td for Chris ends up with a Pass Interference penalty***
CC: The receiver got mauled there like a Bengal tiger
UM: Chris Henry is having a breakout game, perhaps they’ll write him into Prison Break
UM: But does he Walk Like an Egyptian?
CC: Flea-flicker, no-huddle… does Cincy know this isn’t for a playoff berth?
UM: It’s Anythony Wright 101 baby
UM: mmm Ketel is my friend, he doesn’t throw the ball at defensive linemen or fuck up his shoulder trying to tackle a DB
CC: I’m gonna need beer to get through the rest of this game
UM: A Caveman without a drink is no Caveman of mine
CC: I hate the preseason
CC: MMP is right on w/ the handjob analogy, it’s a month-long cocktease
***Standard camera shots of shitty midwest “food”***
UM: John Madden may have an eating disorder, we should investigateâ€¦Al is such an enabler
CC: That chili looked fucking good, all it needed was some brats and a side of fried Snickers bars dipped in beer batter.
UM: It looks like it seeped out of Madden’s ass
CC: God, how is Madden’s heart still beating?
UM: It’s not, he’s got one of those Dick Cheney bionic hearts that NASA isn’t supposed to talk about
CC: It’s like the Midwest’s version of Keith Richards’ immune system
UM: Or Monty Burns with Three Stooges Syndrome
CC: All right I’m going for beer; I can’t take this shit any more
MMP: Espy with a big catch
UM: Mike Espy’s first catch…he’s making this team, I love the guy
UM: Lets make a bet on what kind of beer caveman comes home with
CC: I’m back, what are your guesses?
UM: High Life
UM: I think he’s rubbing pizza on his crotch again
CC: you’re close, UM, I went with Coors Light tallboys
CC: Not my fault, I went to the beer section and got covered in snow as a train sped past
UM: Pete Coors does unholy things in the fermentation tanks, sick sick stuff
CC: That’s flavor country, hearty Republican goodness
MMP: Coors Light rocks, Red state beer kicks ass
CC: I didn’t drink it during his senate race, if it makes you feel better, UM
UM: I’m all about Shaun Mondavi winesâ€¦pure class
CC: Great Odin’s raven does Anthony Wright suck
CC: Haha, floating under the influence, you slay me Al
UM: I can’t believe he turned down The Late Show
CC: K. CARTER plays for the Redskins??? Ki-Jana’s back?
UM: He’s bussing tables in the cafetorium
CC: Can his knee handle that?
UM: It better, he ain’t got no health insurance
MMP: He has no health
UM: Fuck James Thrash, he’s just taking Espy’s balls
CC: It’s so weird to imagine a world where I don’t associate “Espy” with sucking
***Man down…MEDIC! Legendary trainer Bubba Tyer is the Redskins first half MVP***
MMP: This Carter injury looks like a break, too.
UM: The Redskins backup offensive line was picked up this morning from a Cincinatti area Home Depot
UM: Can they fit two people in an MRI machine?
MMP: Jack, it’s
MMP: 3 n’s, 1 t
UM: Spelling is so overrated
CC: Sounds like something about your Arizona education stuck
UM: I went to Pitt too
CC: Oh well THAT makes a world of difference
MMP: Wow, well-traveled
UM: I like college basketball not college
UM: and we’re on the board…if Hall had missed that kick i would be crying
CC: Oh, like preseason matters. all that matters to the Skins is keeping Brunell’s gray beard intact
CC: Guh, can they replace the second half with highlights from last year?
UM: I can watch those Moss catches against
CC: That was an AWESOME game , i hate the Cowboys
UM: Dan Snyder managed to avoid a torn ACL while jumping in celebration…so that’s good
CC: Somebody tell Madden that “audible-ize” isn’t a word
UM: If you try to correct Madden he eats your arm
CC: Him chewing on my arm wouldn’t affect his speech pattern
UM: Those poor people in Permian are really being trivialized by this stupid fucking show.
UM: Halftime is a double stuffed Oreo!
CC: I would love to see Bettis stabbed on live TV by a Bengals fanâ€¦or a Bengal, more likely, I guess
UM: Somebody would have to call the hotline
UM: Christian Morton, not a jew
CC: WOOOO more punting!!!
CC: “A separation is, you know, when you get a separation…”â€¦Thanks John
UM: Apparently Eli Cash is our new return man. I hope he’s gotten that monkey off his back
***Todd Collins completes a dump off pass***
CC: Was the two-yard out Todd’s 1st option on 3rd and 10?
UM: At least it didn’t hit any linemen this time
UM: At halftime the Redskins are going to trade Cederic Killings to the Bengals…just because
CC: MMP, stop whacking off with pizza grease and start sharing wisdom about the bengals’ third team
UM: I think he’s taking the bull by the hornsâ€¦or reading the dictionary
MMP: No, I’m in the midst of stuff happening
MMP: That brooks kid looks awesome
CC: Are you confusing anthony wright with aaron brroks?
MMP: No, the LB from UVAâ€¦forget his first name
UM : Defendant
UM: Who wants to liveblog Entourage?
CC: Sure, if you’ve got some mechanical pencils I can stick in my eyes
UM: Wow, Reggie Bush looks nasty; these are the first highlights I’ve seen
UM: PETER KING IS COMING UP NEXT! I wonder if we’ll get a shout out
CC: If not us, then at least he could say hi to Mary Beth
UM: Apparently NBC is going in the opposite direction of CBS, they have 15 people with mics
CC: Maybe I can get one by season’s end
UM: Peter King says Seau is a first ballot Hall of Famer. Does Seau have a winery? Is there some other way to bribe an SI writer?
CC: No, but he took him deep-sea fishing
CC: Peter King also said that teams will have to deal with VY for one series per half
UM: Are 30 Rock and Studio 60 the same show? Will they have some kind of Tupac/Biggie feuds?
CC: It IS east coast-west coast
CC: Re: Titans — how will teams deal with Billy Volek is the real question
CC: That guy is a pure pocket passer
UM: I think Lendale White shanked Vince Young in the trainer’s room last night
CC: After spitting on another teammate?
CC: MMP! Paper! Now!
UM: Doug Johnson is in the league? I guess Shane Mathews should be expecting a phone call
CC: He used one word: “It was awful.”
CC: Uhh, Andrea, my math’s not that great, but…
UM: Yeah but he said â€˜em all real fast like
CC: SHUT THE FUCK UP MMP!!!
UM: Seriously, it’s like being in a booth with Theisman
CC: That guy just won’t stop, huh?
UM: Just like Diddy!
CC: Wow, Sykes got a sack. That’s the first time a one-armed man has ever done that. Yes, I remember The Fugitive that well
UM: He’s got a vicious prosthetic
CC: I know I’m the 2 millionth person to say this, but those ref uniforms really do suck
UM: They should have hired Ralph Lauren
CC: If the Seahawks and Bengals play in the SB with refs in those unis, it may go down as the worst-uniformed championship of all time
UM: No doubt about it, what’s with that stupid fuckin neon green piping all about?
CC: Dude, I don’t know
CC: But I LOVE it
CC: I don’t care what color they wear as long as they win
UM: They aren’t winning shit
UM: Rocky McIntosh has finally made his presence known. Hoorah
CC: MMP, if you’re gay, continue to say nothing at all
UM: Maybe Falco kidnapped him
UM: super cereal
UM: Andrea Kremer seems to have spent halftime in a wind tunnel
CC: By the end of the game she’s going to look like Nolte’s mug shot
UM: That might be an upgrade
UM: Rocky looks like an immediate starter
UM: I think NBC’s fall lineup was put together by the makers of Bad Idea Jeans
CC: Yeah, two years from now
UM: I want to have
CC: Dude, Tom Brady is WAY better-looking
UM: Apparently Ask.com buried Jeeves in a shallow dessert grave
CC: They were alienating the all-important butler demographic
UM: Clinton’s back and he’s stylin’ in that shirt
CC: I think I’m out of here after the Chad Johnson interview
UM: I’ll talk to myself…i’m used to it
UM: The NFL hates comedy. perhaps comedy raped the NFL’s mother
***Reserve wide receiver Kelly Washington hauls in a touchdown and proceeds to dance ***
UM: Kelly Washington can flat out dance
CC: That was a sweet TD dance
CC: The look he gave Kremer was priceless, “C’mon, you know better than that”
UM He’s got great instincts on camera
CC: I leave it to you, MMP, Falco, and Abraham Lincoln
UM: Ahmad Brooks was just juked out of his boots, maybe he should start smoking pot again
UM: Now playing on my iTunes, Dancing With Myself
UM: Apparently Domata Peko is half lion
UM: Breaking News: Bengal fans dislike Jerome Bettis who is from
UM: Madden’s got two bills on Bettis easy
***The game has gone into a fourth quarter festival of boredom***
UM: Well I think we’re pretty close to wrapping up this chat session. I’d like to thank Mr. Chen’s Organic Chinese for catering the event. On behalf of my friends Mos Def and Elvis Costello I bid you farewell from the
UPDATE: Here’s some video…Lloyd just landed