The Aaron Hernandez Movie?

06.21.13 5 years ago 30 Comments

With the media all in a furor over Aaron “Holy shit he might have actually killed somebody” Hernandez, the only thing I could think of while watching the helicopters follow him on errand runs is how Hollywood will adapt this crazy tale. No, I’m not talking about the inevitable Law and Order episode where Terry Crews plays a football player wrapped up in a gang hit, but HOLLYWOOD.

I can see them taking things in many directions.  Mostly action.

Obstruction of justice

Obstruction of Justice: A gritty crime thriller just inches away from Jason Statham, Aaron is an innocent man with a dark history that he wants to get past. But when the leader of the reinvigorated Soviet struggle steals his bosses ring, and his best friend Gronk is left for dead with a back injury, Aaron must again plunge into the crime world and get the ring back before Putin gets revenge on all of Boston.

But maybe Hollywood didn’t have the bmoney for all that, and they had to make it low budget?

Dumb Hitman

Dumb Hitman: Herny is a constantly high weed dealer, just making a living when he gets in a hilarious mix up with an assassin named Billy. The incident attracts the attention of Putinanny, the leader of a crime syndicate, who thinks that Herny is the assassin. He captures Herny and forces him to do his bidding, Or else his prostitute girlfriend with a heart of gold and his young child will get PUTINIZED

But do they all have to be crime thrillers? Nope, sometimes we need balls to the wall action


The Hernandibles: A-rod Hertz is the leader of a rouge military group the US army has vowed revenge on for a botched job in Syria. With the entire US military trying to track him down, Hertz (Along with his fellow comrades Billy 5 Aces, Krafty, Putin and the incredible Gronk) must stand tall and face down the might of the United States, if only to prove their innocence. It’s their final assignment, can they pull it off?

Okay, maybe they can’t all be Gritty action flicks. We need some drama.


The Boston TE Party: Aaron and Rob are just two guys in school, trying to reach the next level. But when Aaron’s drug test comes up positive, his NFL prospects look grim. He gets an idea. He teams up with Rob to form the greatest Tight End combo the football team has ever seen, but on the way they burn every possible bridge, and get caught up in aspects of the football world they never anticipated. When an accident leaves Gronk in surgery, Aaron must face the choices he’s made.

And finally, why not:


Hernandez: Aaron Hernandez is a stupid idiot TE and holy shit this story is actually happening and Aaron hernandez might be evil jesus christ and Belichigatu brainwashes him into trying to kill Roger Goodell

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