Celebrities, they’re just like us! At least they are insofar as they eat, sleep and root for NFL teams. That’s about as far as the similarities go. They have lives so impossibly lavish that we can’t even comprehend them. But it’s nice to know when one we life roots for the same NFL that we do. Accordingly, it’s comforting to know when a total dickhead celeb pulls for a team we hate. So let’s make sure to cast appropriate scorn on the team that, say, Donald Trump roots for.
We tried to limit these entries to celebs who have at least vowed to be loyal fans rather than someone who just showed up for one game or picked a team to win the Super Bowl one time. Which is why, say, Kate Upton doesn’t count as a Bucs fan.
One final note: please leave Snoop Dogg/Lion out of the discussion. Snoop has at one point or another aligned himself with just about every NFL team (occasionally at the same time), so there’s no point trying to identify him with a specific one.
Best: Jordin Sparks
Worst: Blake Shelton
Arizona: doing remarkably well with people involved with singing competition shows.
Others: Jimmy Eat World
Best: Samuel L. Jackson
Worst: Jeff Foxworthy
Notable others: Big Boi, 2 Chainz (who would probably rank higher if he didn’t also randomly show up at Niner games with their gear on)
Best: Edward Norton
Worst: Michael Phelps
Notable others: actor Josh Charles, Hank Aaron, Stacy Keibler
Best: Rob Ford
Worst: Donald Trump
Big drop-off for their best celebrity fan after Tim Russert died.
Best: Brooklyn Decker
Worst: Ric Flair
Flair might have once deserved to be their best celeb fan, then he went and pissed off the whole fan base during the playoffs last season by firing up the 49ers.
Best: Barack Obama
Worst: Jim Belushi
People might argue about whether having Obama as a fan is a good thing, but it certainly isn’t worse than Jim Belushi.
Notable others: Bill Murray, Oprah, Vince Vaughn, Ashton Kutcher
Best: George Clooney
Worst: Nick Lachey
I like to think that rooting for the Bengals is cosmic retribution for how great Clooney’s life is otherwise.
Best: Condoleezza Rice
Worst: Jerry “The King” Lawler
Rice would be far more impressive if she had become commissioner instead of Roger Goodell.
Notable others: Martin Mull, Brad Paisley
Best: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
Worst: LeBron James
Notables others: Chris Christie, Jamie Foxx, Jenna Fischer, Kelly Clarkson, Grant Hill, Allen Iverson, Chris Rock, Clarence Thomas, Demi Lovato, George W. Bush
Best: Matt Stone and Trey Parker
Worst: Roseanne Barr
Notable others: Don Cheadle
Worst: Kid Rock
Notable others: Eminem, ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER
Best: Lil Wayne
Worst: Larry the Cable Guy
Guess which one more easily fits in at Lambeau.
Best: George H.W. Bush
Worst: George W. Bush
In fairness, Dubya is more of a Cowboys fan, but this structure works better for the joke.
Notable others: Bun B, Dennis Quaid, Hilary Duff
Best: David Letterman
Worst: Jared from Subway
Notable others: Rob Lowe
Sorry, the rest of the cast of Parks and Rec only pretend to be Colts fans.
Best: Lil Duval
Worst: Fred Durst
Notable others: according to a Jaguars blogger – the old man from The Walking Dead! Now that’s star power.
Very star-studded, that Jags fan base. Gene Hackman reportedly used to go to their games, but that was just because he was friends with Jack Del Rio, though who knows why.
Best: Rob Riggle
Worst: David Cook
I had to Google who David Cook is, but rest assured KSK’s resident Chiefs fan loathes him.
Notable others: Paul Rudd, who I might have put as the best, except he’s mentioned he was a Steelers fan as a kid.
Best: Serena Williams
Worst: Daniel Tosh
If this were The Chive, I’d be pelted to death with Axe bottles for defaming Tosh.
Worst: Al Franken
Best: Conan O’Brien
Worst: Mark Wahlberg
Just trying to see how many Massholes I can incite by badmouthing Marky Mark.
Notable others: Maria Menounos, John Krasinski, Matt Damon, Steven Tyler
Best: Brad Pitt
Worst: Jimmy Buffett
Notable others: Harry Connick, Jr., Ellen de Generes, James Carville
Our resident Saints fan suggested Brad Pitt for the worst celeb Saints fan, which probably means he doesn’t like gumbo enough.
Best: Rooney and Kate Mara
Worst: Lady Gaga (almost solely because of that tweet)
Other notables: Tracy Morgan, Daniel Radcliffe, Jon Bon Jovi, 50 Cent, Spike Lee, Brian Williams
Best: Denzel Washington
Worst: Adam Sandler
Also worst: Kevin James
Also also worst: Ray Romano
Best: Ice Cube
Worst: Tiger Woods
Tiger gets a worst for, among other things, paling around with John Elway. What kind of Raiders fan does that?
Notable others: Tom Hanks, James Hetfield, that girl from “Glee” who cusses a lot, Larry King, Axl Rose, Jessica Alba.
Best: Tina Fey
Worst: Tara Reid
Notable others: Kobe Bryant, Mike Trout, Will Smith, Bill Cosby, Carrot Top, Questlove
Best: Burt Reynolds
Worst: Rush Limbaugh
Notable others: Wiz Khalifa, Michael Keaton, Bret Michaels, Curt Schilling, Seth Meyers, Jake Gyllenhaal, Hank Williams, Jr.
Best: Chuck Liddell
Worst: Phil Mickelson
Nothing against Lefty, but in times of indecision, I favor the person who can easily maim me.
Robin Williams Alison Brie
Worst: Chris Berman
Other notables: Kristi Yamaguchi, Robin Williams, Marisa Miller
Best: Joel McHale
Notable others: Daniel Bryan, Sir-Mix-A-Lot, Rainn Wilson, Chrissy Teigen
Worst: Peter King
Okay, PK isn’t a lifelong Rams fan, but he’ll be giving them favorable coverage so long as his agent’s son is running the front office.
Other notables: Ty Burrell
Best: Nick Carter
Worst: Dick Vitale
Having Nick Carter as your best celebrity fan is almost as bad as having Vitale as your worst. Almost.
Best: Faith Hill
Worst: Keith Urban
At least having all your celebrity fans be country singers is Nashville appropriate, even if one of them ain’t Amurrican.
Best: Matthew McConaughey
Worst: Tom Cruise
Notable others: Kevin Durant, Dale Earnhardt Jr., DeMaurice Smith, Bill Nye The Science Guy, Wale