The Best Moments From Browns-Ravens Thursday Night

09.28.12 5 years ago 36 Comments

For a game that was only supposed to be of interest because of the officiating, Browns-Ravens ended up being – I don’t know if “enjoyable” is the right word – at least watchable. In fact, the game came down to the final play, which was in itself quite hilarious. There was rain and you had to watch Cleveland attempt to execute what it calls offense, but last night was still one of the better viewing experiences in weeks. There weren’t constant delays. You didn’t have to experience the constant feeling that you could better than the scab refs. Dare I say, it made me hopeful for the rest of the season.

Of course, the officiating wasn’t perfect, as contrarians will be inclined to remind us. Again, you’re gonna be hard-pressed to find a perfectly officiated game without some aggrieved party claiming that something was missed. Remember, you can call holding on essential every play. “Perfect officiating” would likely render the game unwatchable.

Paul Kruger was flagged for a personal foul on Joe Thomas that extended a would-be Browns game-tying drive by one play. Thomas got the flag by flopping, as Kruger was quick to remind everyone after the final whistle. I’m sure had the Browns tied it and sent the game to OT, there would have been the backlash everyone was expecting. But the call wasn’t wrong. Kruger jumped up and shoved Thomas after the play. Thomas just sold it well.

Besides, all it ended up accomplishing was giving Doopy Pantz an opportunity to overthrow the end zone on a Hail Mary. That and more after the jump.

People in Baltimore liking the refs? Whhhhhaaaaaaa? Yup, that happened. There was only perfunctory booing when calls went against the Ravens. All night, Steratore had a shit-eating grin affixed to his face. The officiating wasn’t perfect, but I won’t let you tell me that it wasn’t clearly better. Plus, the game actually ended before midnight, a thing that would have never happened with a primetime game with the scab refs. I’m sure we’ll be back to hating the refs by the end of Week 4, but for now, enjoy the honeymoon.

Brandon Weeden shows signs of competence that belie the cruel nickname that Wikipedia already bestowed on him, but he’s at the stage of his career that there are just too many derps in his game to win. That and his receivers and a collective soiled paper bag of ass. But it’s hard to blame the receiver when you overthrow the end zone of a desperation pass on the final play.

Immediately afterward, Pat Shurmur is like, “Please take this headset. I don’t want it anymore.”

The Browns may have been able just to kick a winning field goal in that situation were it not for this terrible pick-six that Weeden threw earlier to Cary Williams. Really? Cary Williams intercepted you? God, you suck, Doopy Pantz.

The NFL Network cameras caught Weeden forlornly sitting by himself in a poncho on the bench at one point. And this was before the Williams interception. Granted, two seconds of a guy sitting on a bench shouldn’t tell you much about team chemistry, but I’ll just go ahead and assume no one wants to hang out with a guy named Doopy Pantz.

viaNot sure if you were aware before last night, but Brad Childress has apparently swollen to Andy Reid proportions. He must have figured that was his key to success from his time as a coordinator in Philly. That or coaching the Browns offense has forced him to seek cheap comfort in junk food. We should applaud him for not turning to hard drugs.

Oh yeah, Greg Little and Jordan Norwood made strong showings for possible Leastiness for this week. Little had two drops going through his hands, the latter of which would have been a touchdown in the second half. The Browns ended up not scoring on that drive.

Here, have this stiff arm, Craig Robertson. Of course, I can’t read that name without thinking of Craig Robinson.

Because Craig Robinson getting leveled with a stiff arm would be hilarious.

There’s probably a more reasonable explanation for this image than “Alex Mack has butt periods” but I’d rather not hear it.

Cheers to Phil Dawson for making several difficult field goals in the rain. Justin Tucker had a little more trouble with it. Jeers to Dawson, however, for not realizing the danger of subconcussive hits. Those celebratory head butts add up, sir.

The Ravens inducted Jamal Lewis into their serrated knife of honor because remember that time Jamal Lewis ran for 2,000 yards then flooded the ‘hood with cocaine? Good times. The Ravens also waited until they played the other team that Jamal played for. Anyway, the team gave Lewis a really fancy flower pot to hold his powder.

Listening to Mayock say “Cincinnati” > Cee Lo

War Machine
The name “Doopy Pantz” makes me think MST3K: The Starfighters “Poopy Suits!”…

Otto Man
I want to see the rest of this ad, where the guy in Row 6 who keeps muttering to the invisible Greg Jennings gets tased by the air marshal.

Lobster Mobster
When I see Weeden, I think of Ders – he’s old as fuck.

We’ll step away. But first, here’s a slow motion replay of that hellacious head trauma!

Lobster Mobster
Knowing the Browns, they’ll check Cribbs for knee damage and send him out for the next series.

War Machine
“The Cleveland Browns are in the tunnel!” That’s why I have Wifi in the bathroom.

Punch Rockgroin
Fortunately Cribbs’ dreads act as a second helmet.

Otto Man
Not even Gus Fring can save this stupid 2001: An NFL Odyssey ad that Nike’s running.

Lord Revisisle
I wonder if Ticket Oak screams when scalpers come by and pluck out the tickets?

Spanky Datass
I want someone in the production van or an in-booth staffer to tell Mayock that the name of some obscure special team player is “Ethyl Thayer”. That would be some good live TV.

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