Doug Martin is now an unstoppable hybrid of Barry Sanders and Emmitt Smith, according to Brad Nessler and Mike Mayock. He had a hell of first half last night, which I guess is sufficient cause for maximum hyperbole.
Minnesota mostly shut down Martin in the second half. The Vikings’ defense finally showed signs of life once Donald Penn decided to pick a fight with Jared Allen. Too bad Minnesota was still down two scores at that point. That might as well be an insurmountable lead at this point of his career.
On one hand, it’s a shame that a convincing win creates the opportunity for the Greg Schiano slurping that Peter King hasn’t gotten a chance to shamelessly engage in all season. At the same time, I wasn’t quite ready for a team as middling as the Vikings to be considered among the first- or second-tier of playoff contenders.
After the jump, we don’t just have the good moments from a kinda boring game. We have the BEST moments from a kinda boring game. Get at ’em!
We all generally love Chris Kluwe on these Interwebs, but he had a pretty shitty game last night. On the first of his shanks, Mike Mayock pulls out the U.G.L.Y. chant from Wildcats. Pretty solid pull, Lispy.
Erik Lorig scored the Bucs’ first TD of the game, much to the dismay of some fantasy owners, myself included. Seriously, the Bucs put up 36 and Vincent Jackson only finishes with four points on the night? Damn it all. Anyway, Lorig fell down when he went to celebrate, so that provided momentary solace.
The Buccaneers pulled this 34-yard completion out of their ass on a second half drive to put the game away. That’s one of those “WELP, we lost” moments when it happens to your favorite team.
Scab refs are a thing of the past. Ethnic stereotype refs are the new hotness. I hope they get a Vietnamese guy. Their accents are HEEEElarious.
Jared Allen got his nose all bloodied via skirmishing with Donald Penn. This lit a meth lab fire under Allen’s ass and motivated him to beat Penn for a sack of Josh Freeman shortly thereafter. Brad Nessler then let loose that most hackneyed of of cliches, saying that a Hollywood screenwriter couldn’t write such a scene. Really? A defensive end getting pissed off then recording a sack? “WOW, WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF!?”
Christian Ponder is overthrowing bubble screens. The Mark Sanchez career arc is nicely in place.
Sacks where the line blows a blocking assignment are my favorite type of sacks.
During the postgame gasbag segment, Rich Eisen got the knee-jerk commentary going by proclaiming that Tampa’s performance showed that their offense has the potential to be “frightening” on a regular basis. Deion laughed it off. At which point, I knew I had to turn in for the night because I was starting to appreciate Deion way too much.
Greg Schiano later ripped up that sign and spit in their face. What? Is that good form? Sorry. That’s just the way of celebrating birthdays where he comes from.
Once Midwesterners are doing it, that means a fad has been dead for at least a month.
Hey ho, let’s blow
Hey ho, let’s blow
They’re forming in a straight line
They’re throwing flags to kill time
The kids are losing their minds
It’s all fucked up
They’re piling on the Full Backs
To massage lousy hit stats
They herp and derp like daft twats
They’re all fucked up
Hey ho, let’s go
Ponder’s got a limp wrist
Freeman plays like a pile of jism
Warren Moon says that might be racism
The Lord Formerly Known as Revisisle
Schiano’s still on step two of the Bobby Petrino plan.
1. Coach a Big East Team
2. Hired by an NFC South team
3. Quit midway during a season
4. Hired by an SEC team
5. Get involved in a hilarious scandal.
Fullback TD pass. Fuck you, fantasy owners.
“Nithe thwat by Robinthon” – Mayock
The Tom Brady-Ray Lewis commercial would be better if it was Tom Brady and American Hero Bernard Pollard
Guns Dont Kill People
if he could, Schiano would’ve gone for three
If I wrote a letter to Rog asking if I could give Rich a backhand slap to the face as long as I promised to wear a pink glove [for awareness] would he agree
Looks like the Juggernaut that is the Vikings just dropped the Crimson Gem.