The Few Not Bad Moments From Colts-Jaguars

11.09.12 5 years ago 20 Comments

At the outset of the Thursday night live blog, commenter War Machine said, “Every off-season, I promise myself that I’ll watch football when I can, given that the time between seasons feels like an almost insurmountable expanse. This is one of the games that tests the tenacity of that vow.”

Well put. Though if we’re already channeling that sense of dedication, it worries we where we’ll be after Monday night with the Steelers and the Chiefs. At least that will have been a Monday night game. The Thursday games have been almost uniformly putrid. Part of that is just the match-ups. Obviously it’s not the most valued scheduled slot by the league, even though it’s being broadcast by the NFL’s own channel. Then there’s the three days preparation thing. As the season goes on, it’s hard to tell whether that three-day break will have more or less of an effect. Less because the teams are just generally more in sync than they would be in the first month or two? Or more because, as the season goes on, players are more banged up and fatigued and thus less likely to fully recover by the time Thursday rolls around? Most likely the latter, I imagine.

One team did show up to play last night. Not sure you can gauge much about the Colts from Thursday other than they’re competent. Because basic competence and the ability to step in front of a Blaine Gabbert pass is all it takes to rout Jacksonville. The Colts certainly did that, even if it was drenched in the complimentary spittle that Mike Mayock sprayed in Andrew Luck’s direction.

There was a lot of disgusting Luck fluffing from Mayock throughout the game. It kind of made me glad for the Chuckstrong stuff, since at least it Nessler something to distract Mayock with. Early on, Mayock introduces the audience to Luck before kickoff by telling us the rookie is, in his estimation, already in the top seven or eight quarterbacks in the league, a standing owed to the fact that he “inhales film”. See, that’s where Ryan Leaf went wrong. It’s not drug dependency issues, per se. It’s just choosing to inhale the wrong drugs.

Oh man, did the announcers lose it after Andrew Luck made a diving tackle attempt on Dawan Landry. Bear in mind that this was following his second interception of the night. Plus, if RGIII did something like this, everyone would be wringing their hands and worrying aloud that RGIII should be doing more to protect himself. HE’S RECKLESS! Meanwhile, Luck just has a competitive spirit! God bless him!

Andrew Luck’s spike makes Rob Gronkowski look like Pacman Jones.

Reggie Wayne got a bit of gushing himself. Because, at the age of 33, he’s an ELDER STATEMAN! Certainly, he’s worthy of praise, since he seems to catch 80 percent of the Colts pass attempts. At one of points that Nessler and Mayock droned on about Wayne’s age, Mayock mentioned how he at first misidentified Wayne’s age and the receiver was happy about it. Mayock found that most feminine. Because once you hit your early 30s, you’re dunzo, right ladies? Anyway, I’m sure female fans appreciate the awesome stereotyping.

Chris Prosinski in his second year, so you’d think he would know you need to contact a receiver while he’s down. Welp, ya thought wrong. That’s veteran elder statesman wiles, Reggie Wayne.

Late in the game, cameras repeatedly caught Roger Goodell glad-handing in the Jacksonville crowd. Nessler wondered whether there were more people around the commissioner than in the rest of the stadium. Clearly that’s a yes, which is depressing and hilarious. I suspect most of the Jaguars fans are pleading with him to force the Jets to trade Tebow to them.

Darius Butler had a fine, fine night for the Colts. Perhaps even Measty if it weren’t against the Jaguars. Butler has already had a few stops in his young career, but Mike Mayock told him to hang in there because Butler has “first-round feet”. Well them saw them sumbitches off, take ’em at 18 and leave the rest to go undrafted.

This had to be one of the easier pick-sixes ever.

It’s gonna be hilarious when Bruce Arians is a highly sought coaching hire in the off-season. I thought initially last night that he’s destined for the Chargers, but Andy Reid is a much more fitting rehash for them. I see Arians in Kansas City. Oh, it’ll be a delightful trainwreck. Anyway, he was feeling it after halftime last night when he told Alex Flanagan that he wanted to step on the Jaguars throat in the second half. Arians looks pretty heavy. That’d hurt.


Please create full body Baguar suits, Jacksonville.


What in particular dissatisfies you about your 69 experience? Are the two of you genitally incompatible? Have they not washed? More details, please.


Nice work converting your Matt Jones jersey into a Maurice Jones-Drew jersey. That’s the kind of thriftiness that frees up more cash for meth!


How many scauses can Arians fit on his hat?


That was the 12th effing mention of leukemia so far in the telecast. Makes me want to gauge my leukocytes out with a stick.


These guys cut their hair off. This completely simple and painless act DEFINES SACRIFICE.

Lobster Mobster

It really is fitting that Luck is with the Colts. He looks and talks like a guy that got kicked in the head by a horse as a kid.


Every time an announcer says “should have good field position” – DRINK!!!


Mularkey. Joe Biden’s favorite coach

Mike McCarthyism

Andrew Luck looks like an extra from American History X with that haircut


Shower scene extra


I want to see the version of this commercial where Ryan Leaf kills and robs the boy band to buy drugs.

Otto Man

You know who else threw his 33-year-old body around for the good of the team?


Otto Man

Should be “Ray Lewis: A Football 25-to-Life”

War Machine

Hey ho! Let’s go!

Hey ho! Let’s go!

All the tarps are flappin’

Both the fans are clappin’

A comeback might not happen

For the Jags

Anyone with half a brain

Could see them throw to Reggie Wayne

It’s becoming one huge pain

To watch this game

Hey ho! Let’s go!

Luck throws a pass derp!

Will the Refs kill the drive

It won’t take much, it’s barely alive

Why thank you Eddie Murray Sparkles

Nate Silver called this game a blowout 5 months ago.

The Barfly

Shorts acted like Gabbert threw him a live snake.


I propose a new NFL rule: no 2-minute warning if >2 touchdown differential.

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