What a glorious week for the Kommentariat. The Kommenter Konest for fantasy football failures thread keeps growing, each additional comment another brick in the fantasy wall. Let’s make a pact to reread each of those comments next August when we think to ourselves, “Well, I could join one more league this season.” No. We shouldn’t. Fantasy football is nothing but pain and crushed dreams.
I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your comments of the week.
Make It Snow
Matty Ice, with the Falcons all poised for the win
Stood puzzling and puzzling:
“We’re just four and ten!
Our offense is injured, our defense is vile
We’d win without talent or toughness or style!”
He puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore
And then Matt thought of something he hadn’t before:
“Maybe winning,” he thought, “doesn’t come from the score–
Maybe Bowman–perhaps–could use just six points more?”
And what happened then–well, in Glendale they say
That the Cards’ playoff hopes shrunk three sizes that day
Legend of Vinny T
“10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
b. Loved this Grantland story on Tony Gonzalez by Robert Mays.”
The PK equivalent of a sub-tweet: Putting a story about a football player on a (superior) competitor’s site under “non-football thoughts”.
And since nobody in the NHL got JACKED! UP! on national television last week, PK’s hockey fandom has returned to his usual check of the Devils in the standings.
Actually, I shouldn’t be surprised that Berman is singing the praises of something that is outdated and made obsolete 20 years ago.
Make It Snow
“Just wait until he sees the kind of trouble small arms can get you in.”
– Plaxico Burress
Stafford always looks 3 drinks and 10 years away from being John Madden.
THAT CALL, I CALL IT GLOBALIZATION CAUSE PITTSBURGH DOESN’T UNDERSTAND IT AND IT’S FUCKING THEM OVER.
Lord of the Buttfumble
Arizona Cardinals: We beat the Seahawks, the first to do so at their home stadium.
NFL Viewing Populace: Who the fuck are you again?
Arizona Cardinals: The Arizona Cardinals, we’re 10-5 and play in the NFC West.
NFL Viewing Populace: I’m not familiar with them, aren’t you guys a baseball team from St. Louis.
Arizona Cardinals: Oh Nevermind.
NFL Viewing Populace: Suits me.
This is pretty much the case when talking to any Texan male about football. Problem is, it gets very difficult to sift between fiction and fact; and there’s a sort of gentleman’s agreement where if you let a guy bluster on and you nod and haw accordingly he’ll indulge you as well. It’s a very strange and unique tradition. It reaches across generations.
You are my favoritist player. I like it when you intercept the ball and tackle the other team. I am mad at the Patriots because you are my #1 player. I am 7 years old and love the Jets. I know you played for Florida State and the Jets and I love the teams. I hope that Patriots players loses their houses and has to live in their cars.
P.S.S. Mom also said that your child support payments are due every month, just not when you feel like it.
P.S. Mom wanted to tell me that you are a deadbeat and that you should come and see me more often.
P.P.P.S. Tell Alonzo, Jerzie, Tyler, Julian, London, Deyjah, Leilani, Karis, and Antonio Jr. hello for me even though you don’t see them either