JetBlue flight attendant got upset, cursed on PA, hit emergency slide & left. That was more exciting than inflight movie The Last Airbender
We’re in the dreaded post-draft period of the NFL offseason. There’s still no real football for weeks. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, hating things is what we do best, which is why we have the recurring This Week In F**k You series, to soothe your white hot anger. This week: prestigious comedy hack Eric Stangel.
There are many types of Twitter users, almost all of them stupid and pointless. In the sports media corner of the Twitterverse, the three most common are Useful Breakers of News Stories (the Adam Schefters and Jay Glazers of the world), Bloviating Arrogant Diptards (Jason Whitlock, Buzz Bissinger, etc.) and Worthless Fuckwit Self-Satisfied Comedians.
I’m decidedly in the last category. Because, like many of you, I’m someone who would prefer to spend all of his time coming up with dick jokes about sports or whatever the fuck else I deem worthy of ridicule. Writing comedy is a portion of what I do, but it doesn’t pay the bills entirety, which is fine. All things considered, having to closely follow sports and write about it like I know half a shit is far from the worst job in the world. Ideally, though, being a full-time comedy writer would be a pretty fucking awesome gig to have.
So when you see someone who does get to do it and they’re FUCKING TERRIBLE at it, it’s like life rifle-butting you in the nuts while screaming “UNFAIR! UNFAAAAAIIIIIRRRR!” Don’t get me wrong. I’m lucky if I’m actually funny .5 percent of the times that I try to be. I’m not some neglected genius of humor whose gifts are being unjustly denied a larger audience. I mostly suck out loud. But even me, bitter obscure Internet sports clown, is a million times better at making jokes than Eric Fucking Stangel.
Before Twitter, I had no clue who Eric Stangel was. And that isn’t because he’s nobody. He’s the head writer for Letterman, which is a pretty nice job to have. But the real reason I know him because all the major sportswriters I have to follow for work purposes have collectively decided that Retweeting his insipid one-liners is their way of showing the world LOOGIT ME I HAVE A BLAND SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT WHAT I DO! The same goes with Seth Meyers, but he’s a more visible talentless shithead.
Rumor: Mel Gibson is so desperate for money, he just listed his Klan hoods on Craigslist
At first, it was easy to ignore. Roll my eyes at the lame gag that Judy Battista copied to her followers. But then they just kept cropping up. Bob Glauber. Mort. Glazer. Every goddamn big-name NFL reporter loves to help spread this guy’s shtick across the face of the Internet. Why? Maybe because he works for Letterman and that’s the extent of their comedy awareness. Maybe because he’s just clean and anodyne enough to fly within staid soulless corporate circles. MAYBE BECAUSE GOD HATES US AND REVELS IN THE FRUITS OF HIS CRUELTY.
So I started following Stangel’s feed. Yeah, that’s fucking stupid, but remember I’m a masochistic asswipe. It’s same reason any of us still read Peter King, Bill Simmons or Jeff Pearlman’s blog. Or watch retarded cable news networks. It’s oddly comforting confirmation that prominent people are shitty at what they do and the reason they get to be shitty and well-paid is because the world sucks so why should I give a shit and drinkdrinkdrinkdrinkdrinkdrinkdrinkdrink.
Drew summed up his forced topical hackiness nicely.
Stangel blows because he went to the Bill Scheft school of yuks.
“Are you like me? Do you think the BP oil spill might have been caused by The Situation hopping on a Jet Ski?”
NFL: Terrell Owens has signed with the Bengals. Psychiatrists, go to Cincinnati. It’s a gold rush!
Well done. Obviously, incredibly funny blog writers like Drew and awesome mainstream comedy writing jobs aren’t mutually exclusive. FJM’s Ken Tremendous/Michael Schur is busy being awesome with Parks & Recreation, but that job’s not the result of his work online. TV shows/The Onion should be knocking down doors to get people like Drew, Spencer Hall, Gourmet Spud and Jon Bois, but they’re not because eeeeeewwwww bloggers. And that’s fucking stupid. Maybe it will change, but probably not for a while. Sadly, in the meantime I’m stuck glaring a hole through my laptop anytime this shithead deposits another one of his comedic leavings on my Twitter feed.
Random unrelated programming note: Yes, there will be a Hard Knocks live blog this evening. Get your nicknames ready.